Are You Enduring An Unhappy Marriage And Want To Know How To Save It? Read On For Solutions!
Author: Tony Darbyshire

So many times couples get themselves into serious
difficulty in their relationship, and keep living within an
unhappy marriage, when they could find solutions that would
probably get themselves back on track. So, start by
answering this question: do you take your fair share of
responsibility in your marriage (or partnership), and do
you always do your best to avoid arguments? The honest
answer, for many of us, is probably no. If you answered
yes, you are probably deluding yourself! Unhappiness in
your marriage, or partnership, is often the outcome of such
delusion.

One thing you need to do is stop playing the 'blame' game,
and do something about controlling the arguments. If you do
it can result in positive change for the better. When it
comes to making improvements in your personal relationship
you know there are no 'magic-bullets that can come up with
'magical answers'; it takes an open mind - and some action
- to bring back the happiness you used to enjoy in your
relationship.

To start you moving in the right direction there are two
things that should help you focus your mind on making the
improvements you seek. These are:

1 - Accepting responsibility for your own actions, and, 2 -
How to deal with arguments, and how to use them as an
opportunity for positive change. If you can start the
process by being frank and honest about your own attitudes
to both of these issues, you will find some practical ways
that should help to bring your relationship running
smoothly again.

So, let's start with what your attitude should be towards
taking some responsibility in your marriage or partnership.
Too often we transfer all of the blame for our unhappiness
onto our partner. It is quite possible that what may be
going wrong in your relationship is totally their fault.
Turning this thought around is another option. Consider
that you could be part of the problem too. Take some
responsibility and acknowledge the fact that, if things
aren't totally rosy for you, it is as much your 'problem'
as it is theirs.

By taking responsibility you will already be moving
forward, and not backward or sideways! Steven Covey, the
best selling author on all matters to do with relationships
talks of simple, but very effective strategies on how to
improve them. In his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective
Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability
to choose our response. Always do your best to be positive
and try to be as fair as possible to your spouse, or
partner,. Whatever you do, don't shirk your
responsibilities and take time to think your situation
through properly. Take some time to analyze what it is you
are doing (or not doing!that might be creating the problem.
If you can be honest with yourself, you may put your finger
on the issues that matter, and then you can do something
about them.

Think of it this way. How many times, when something goes
wrong, do you say: "But that isn't my problem! It's the
responsibility of...". Of course you may be right and it
really isn't your fault that things are the way they are
currently. Ask yourself this question; "If I carry on
blaming him/her and making him/her take all the
responsibility?" does that move me in the direction of
'solving' the problem?"

The answer is almost certainly... probably not! So, don't
push all the 'responsibility' onto your spouse or partner.
You have to show him, or her, that you're prepared to take
your fair share of the blame for things not being as you
want them to be.

Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective
Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability
to choose our response." We don't have to respond to
stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done. We
do have a choice. It may involve us practicing a real
commitment on our part to letting go of 'old patterns of
behavior'. So, try something new. If you hate arguments,
and many people do, then your relationship will be much
better served if you do your utmost to avoid them.

At this point, rather than cover the second major issue
that causes serious problems in most relationships - the
dreaded argument - I will be covering this in my next
article. There are some very effective 'tools' to stop the
arguments from getting out of hand, so you don't end up
getting uptight and angry.

For the time being, please give some serious thought to
working on taking your share of the responsibility in your
relationship, so you don't have to endure an unhappy
marriage for much longer! The ball is now in your court...
so be positive and try not to be stubborn! In the meantime
take Steven Covey's advice and choose your responses
carefully when communicating with your spouse, or partner.
All it takes is a little practice to change those old
habits that probably aren't doing either of you any good!
Until next time... bye for now!


About the Author:

Living in an unhappy marriage can be so stressful. This
site, http://www.relationship-secrets.com has a wealth of
good ideas that may prove useful to you. It may be worth
taking a closer look!