Save The World! Get Rid Of Lawyers?
Author: Lucille Uttermohlen

I would like to say I'm not lazy, but that would take too
much energy, and it wouldn't be true. As we all know,
lawyers are sticklers for the truth. I don't mind
expending effort. In fact, there are some things, like
rescuing my dinner from my golden retriever, that I do with
enthusiasm. There are many more things I do without
complaint, if not with pleasure. Okay, maybe I'm
exaggerating about the "without complaint" bit. Still, I
think I've come up with a way to end global warming. Yes,
Al Gore, I bet this never occurred to you, and I said it
first!

Attorneys do a lot of unnecessary traveling. there are
courts 30 miles from here that like to schedule "hearings
to schedule hearings". I wish I could say this was
unusual, but it isn't. I have traveled many miles just to
find out that the only thing the court has scheduled is a
"status hearing". If the regular judge can't be present
for a hearing, he can assign the case to a "judge pro
temp", i. e. a substitute judge, who has the power to make
any decisions that need to be made on the case. The
problem is that these judges are afraid to make decisions
that are different from those the regular judge would have
made. This isn't such a bad thing, but they never mention
their preferences until everyone on the case has already
spent the gas and time to come to court. The bottom line
is that our courts, and other aspects of my profession
could be a lot less wasteful.

Paper is another commodity that the legal profession
wastes. Lawyers routinely ask for discovery that isn't the
least bit useful to their clients just because they can.
Whole forests are cut down just so some idiot in a suit can
demand 5000 pages of bank records he won't read, and
wouldn't understand even if he did. If you think you'll
need to introduce something into evidence, you have to
provide complete copies for everyone on the case before
court begins. You may end up not requiring, say Aunt
Sadie's 20 page letter to Uncle George, or the 50 page
contract between Jack and Jill. Regardless, you still have
to give everyone a copy of the whole document, and if you
haven't done this in advance, and you do need to refer to
something, you are going to REALLY honk off the judge. He
will either stop the proceedings so opposing counsel can
read the whole document in court, or send his court
reporter to make copies for everyone while you wait.

Lawyers aren't the only wasters of trees and oil, and
enemies to precious resources. Think of our government.
If all of the state assemblies and congress were to give up
unnecessary travel and paper waste, we could restore the
world's rain forests to full capacity, probably in one
month. Pollution would be a thing of the past, as would
"CNN", "Fox News". I'm having a hard time finding a down
side to this.

Here's what we can do. In this day of computers, email and
real time communication, why don't we all meet in a secured
chat room to do our business? We can email each other
copies of any documents we want to present, and talk to
each other without even leaving our offices, or living
rooms for that matter. Think of the gas we'd save, both
fossil fuel based and regular old hot air. Think of the
trees that would survive to delight future generations.
Think of the ... TJ, get back here with my pork chop!


About the Author:

Dear Abby beware! Lucille Uttermohlen will not only answer
your relationship questions, but will give you the legal
reasons for her advice! Join her at
http://www.couple-or-not.com or write to her at
lucille@couple-or-not.com or lucille@utter-law.com