Coping With an Addicted Parent
Author: Eileen DeClemente

As told to Eileen DeClemente by her daughter Sara:

I don't feel that there is any right or wrong way to cope with
parents who are alcoholics and drug addicts but I have found
that people cope differently according to their needs and
personalities. From the time that I was a child my coping
mechanism was to be around all the time to take care of my
mother and if I wasn't there than she was not going to be all
right.

The most devastating day of my life was the day I was home with
her and she had a seizure that I could not control. I had to
call an ambulance and I was not able to take care of my mom then
and I didn't know how I could help then. When she had the mild
tremors and could not get up the stairs, my sister and I would
help her get up the stairs when she needed to go to bed and no
matter how bad they were, we were always there to help her get
by so I knew I could fix the problem. When I went to school it
scared me because I wasn't around to help mom out, so I would
have to come home sick at least one day a week to make sure I am
around to help.

Missy, my sister, and I had very different methods of coping
and her method was to take care of me to make sure I was taken
care of. I never realized that her method was caring for me
until after my parents got sober and she didn't realize how I
felt about being home to take care of my mom until then also. As
kids we just were aware that our parents were not like other
parents but we weren't very clear as to why they were so
different.

Growing up with parents that constantly are under the influence
of something was almost how we thought normal life was but until
mom stopped using we never thought differently. I knew that it
was not normal for her to act so ridiculously when we as kids
wanted to find a specific candy and we couldn't so she drove 5
neighborhood kids around town after town for hours to find this
specific candy just because we wanted it. Many parents did not
want their children in a car with my mom but she hid exactly
what she was doing from everyone so no one could necessarily pin
point exactly what was going on behind closed doors in the
DeClemente household.

It made me sick to not be by my mother's side and not know what
she was doing so I did everything in my power to ensure that I
could be around. Even if I wasn't the one home and my sister
was, I knew that mom would be fine because someone was around to
care for her. I never did like it when dad was the one home with
her because they usually ended up getting in a fight and dad
would leave so either Missy or I needed to be the ones at home.
I struggled with making friends and playing with them every day
because it took time away from my watching my mom so we would go
play at my house most of the time so I could keep my eye on her
and play with my friends at the same time. You wouldn't think
that a 5 year old little girl paid that much attention to her
mother and what really was going on but it forced us to grow up
much quicker than others our age.

As I look back on my past I realize how tough it was but that
we adjusted to a specific lifestyle that we really did not know
any different so how else would we live? It really forced me to
grow up much quicker but in the long run I think it has made me
a much more responsible person. The take that I have in life in
general is to avoid conflict and to try to fix other people's
problems to make them happy and unfortunately it's a trait that
I cannot lose. I have continued this trait throughout my
childhood to my adulthood but I have learned how to healthily
cope with the inability to care for my parents.

Throughout college I made weekly trips home to make sure that
my mom was doing all right and as long as I could see her I had
a peace of mind. She never was in need of anything or of any
assistance but it made me feel better knowing that there was
nothing more I could do.

As a young adult now, I know that I cannot fix my mom and dad
but I can just be there to support them when they need me. I
unfortunately inherited the worry trait from my mother so I
worry about how they are doing constantly but I trust that they
are going to be up front with me and tell me if they need my
assistance rather than trying to figure out what I can do to fix
the situation. I look at my childhood as a learning experience
and that it helped me to grow into the person that I am today so
taking a positive outlook on my life has helped me to keep a
positive outlook on life in general.

There is no right or wrong way to cope with issues but it is
the opportunity that you make it down the road for yourself.
Keeping a positive outlook on the past, present and especially
future can help anyone to stay positive and avoid the trap of
falling into the same type of lifestyle that someone has grown
up in. I very easily could have fallen into the trap of
alcoholism or addiction but I realize how hard it was on our
family and more importantly how my parents life style changed
impacted my life and I want to live a full and eventful life in
a positive environment. The love of a family member is enough to
take one day at a time.


About The Author: Eileen DeClemente was 11 years old when she
took her first drink. Alive is her courageous story of an
addiction so consuming it nearly killed her and destroyed her
family. To anyone who has ever battled an addiction, and to the
people who have loved them. This story is for you,
http://www.eileenisalive.com.