The Sadness of Separation and Divorce
Author: Phillip Booker
Divorce and the Family
For those who have never been involved in divorce, or for
those who have brushed past it but never quite understood
the intensity. Divorce is one big tangle that never really
unravels. Five years on from a divorce, the parents are
still surviving, although remaining bitter. The children
are still shell shocked.
As adults we all can handle the tangle, but the children
are not mature enough to comprehend the frustration, and
what appears at times, to be the 'lack of love'. This
confusion carries on into their early adulthood. There are
two particularly common side effects that happen as a
consequence of splitting up; one is dyslexia, and the other
is wetting the bed.
Although this observation within a marriage breakup sounds
harsh for the children, there is no suggestion that a
family should stick together for the sake of the children.
This option may seem feasible and many have weathered the
storm, but a different type of problem is created; a
different type of confusion. The children will see a life
without the comfort of love and as a consequence could
reach adulthood with no expectancy of forming a
relationship.
Love is what makes the world go around, without it your
children will grow up living a sheltered and unfulfilled
life. We cannot bring a child into a family and allow them
to see two parents fighting and arguing all of the time.
Financial Issues in Family matters
Finance in separation and divorce is complicated; who owns
which debt, who owns which car and who owns which property.
Untangling finances is one of the most difficult aspects of
ending a long term relationship or marriage. You could find
yourself dividing savings, splitting the furniture; and on
top of all that paying out maintenance to your other half.
Maintenance incidentally can be claimed from either the
male or female after the breakup.
According to lawyers it is generally the woman who comes
out on top. This is either when an agreement is reached by
two legal representatives, or if it necessary, when the
couple have needed to go to court.
Often overlooked initially, in the heat of separation, the
finances become a big issue. What in theory would be ideal,
is that the couple sell everything, pay all outstanding
bills, and then equally divide. But along with the theory
comes the impracticalities of each parent finding somewhere
else to live, the furniture, valuables, bank balances,
secret stashes of cash and memorabilia from both childhood
and parents.
One amusing but real example was when a separated couple
had no legal representative as the adults thought they
could sort it out themselves. The male partner had gone
back 'up north' to his parents and asked if his ex-partner
could sell the BMW and send him half the money. She sent
him a payment for £5... Rather than sell it for a
realistic price, she sold it for £10, got a receipt,
then halved the total received and sent it to her
ex-partner.
Domestic Violence and Child Abduction
Access to children is another area that often is only
resolved by attending court. Both the father and the mother
deserve access to see their children, but it can lead to
further disagreements. These unsavory moments can include
further financial issues, access problems and parental
guidance.
One parent may suggest one particular way to deal with a
situation and the other parent is deliberately opposite in
view. Although unpleasant, both parents use each situation
as another option to be bitter and twisted. It is often
witnessed that parents use their children as bullets during
these periods of access. This will also add to the
negativity within the mind of the child.
CONCLUSION
What funded one household will now be supporting two homes,
so at least some financial adjustment will be needed, and
you may not be that happy with the final result. You will
be entering a new phase in your life; the sooner you can
adjust the better.
As for the children, keep them out and away from arguments
and aggression. Allow them to grow up with love in their
house. As far as the children's 'rights' and 'wrongs'
apply, it is prudent for parents to agree to disagree...
Wherever possible if parents could agree with one of the
parents' rules, preferably with the parent that they are
living with; rather than insist upon some new rules every
time the children change hands.
Mr. P. Booker Divorce Mediator
About the Author:
Mr. P. Booker
Divorce Mediator
http://www.all-divorce-courts.com/
Author: Phillip Booker
Divorce and the Family
For those who have never been involved in divorce, or for
those who have brushed past it but never quite understood
the intensity. Divorce is one big tangle that never really
unravels. Five years on from a divorce, the parents are
still surviving, although remaining bitter. The children
are still shell shocked.
As adults we all can handle the tangle, but the children
are not mature enough to comprehend the frustration, and
what appears at times, to be the 'lack of love'. This
confusion carries on into their early adulthood. There are
two particularly common side effects that happen as a
consequence of splitting up; one is dyslexia, and the other
is wetting the bed.
Although this observation within a marriage breakup sounds
harsh for the children, there is no suggestion that a
family should stick together for the sake of the children.
This option may seem feasible and many have weathered the
storm, but a different type of problem is created; a
different type of confusion. The children will see a life
without the comfort of love and as a consequence could
reach adulthood with no expectancy of forming a
relationship.
Love is what makes the world go around, without it your
children will grow up living a sheltered and unfulfilled
life. We cannot bring a child into a family and allow them
to see two parents fighting and arguing all of the time.
Financial Issues in Family matters
Finance in separation and divorce is complicated; who owns
which debt, who owns which car and who owns which property.
Untangling finances is one of the most difficult aspects of
ending a long term relationship or marriage. You could find
yourself dividing savings, splitting the furniture; and on
top of all that paying out maintenance to your other half.
Maintenance incidentally can be claimed from either the
male or female after the breakup.
According to lawyers it is generally the woman who comes
out on top. This is either when an agreement is reached by
two legal representatives, or if it necessary, when the
couple have needed to go to court.
Often overlooked initially, in the heat of separation, the
finances become a big issue. What in theory would be ideal,
is that the couple sell everything, pay all outstanding
bills, and then equally divide. But along with the theory
comes the impracticalities of each parent finding somewhere
else to live, the furniture, valuables, bank balances,
secret stashes of cash and memorabilia from both childhood
and parents.
One amusing but real example was when a separated couple
had no legal representative as the adults thought they
could sort it out themselves. The male partner had gone
back 'up north' to his parents and asked if his ex-partner
could sell the BMW and send him half the money. She sent
him a payment for £5... Rather than sell it for a
realistic price, she sold it for £10, got a receipt,
then halved the total received and sent it to her
ex-partner.
Domestic Violence and Child Abduction
Access to children is another area that often is only
resolved by attending court. Both the father and the mother
deserve access to see their children, but it can lead to
further disagreements. These unsavory moments can include
further financial issues, access problems and parental
guidance.
One parent may suggest one particular way to deal with a
situation and the other parent is deliberately opposite in
view. Although unpleasant, both parents use each situation
as another option to be bitter and twisted. It is often
witnessed that parents use their children as bullets during
these periods of access. This will also add to the
negativity within the mind of the child.
CONCLUSION
What funded one household will now be supporting two homes,
so at least some financial adjustment will be needed, and
you may not be that happy with the final result. You will
be entering a new phase in your life; the sooner you can
adjust the better.
As for the children, keep them out and away from arguments
and aggression. Allow them to grow up with love in their
house. As far as the children's 'rights' and 'wrongs'
apply, it is prudent for parents to agree to disagree...
Wherever possible if parents could agree with one of the
parents' rules, preferably with the parent that they are
living with; rather than insist upon some new rules every
time the children change hands.
Mr. P. Booker Divorce Mediator
About the Author:
Mr. P. Booker
Divorce Mediator
http://www.all-divorce-courts.com/
