Old women pray for death in India's city of widows

VRINDAVAN, UTTAR PRADESH, INDIA (REUTERS) - Shunned by their families and abhorred by society, thousands of India's widows flock to Vrindavan, the holy city of life and love, waiting to die.

To millions of pilgrims fascinated by the heroic and romantic tales of Hindu Lord Krishna, Vrindavan is the mystic town of temples where the charismatic boy Krishna spent his childhood and the place is considered a spiritual abode.

Vrindavan is also known for celebration of festivals associated with lord Krishna`s life including Holi, the festival that celebrates life with colour, fun and frolic.

Located a mere 100 miles from the Indian capital New Delhi, widows come here not to live but to die and Vrindavan, thus, getting its alternate name "the city of widows".

The temple-studded town's streets teem with aging widows. Many stooped over walking sticks draped in plain white saris and a huge ash-smear on their foreheads.

The women, many of whom have lived in Vrindavan for a major part of their lives, chant religious hymns eight hours a day at ashrams (homes) for a five-rupee pittance and a bowl of uncooked rice.

Shunned by their families and abhorred by society, they live like this in misery waiting for death. Overwhelmed by social taboos, even the young widows cannot remarry and are forbidden from wearing bright clothes or putting on jewelry or any article of ornamentation. Their heads are tonsured to differentiate them from the rest and make them look ugly. Even their shadows are considered bad luck.

Jal Devi is one of the nearly 16,000 widows living in Vrindavan counting her last days as she wishes for a peaceful death after spending nearly fifty years of her devastated life as a widow.

Born to a rich landlord family 94 years ago, Jal Devi was married at the age of 14 to a grain stockist in Agra, the city of famed Taj Mahal.

Although she lived in a well-to-do family that was known for its philanthropic deeds erecting temples made where the poor could come and eat for free, everything changed for Jal Devi once her husband died.

At 44, she was a widow with three sons, who also died early. Left to the mercy of her daughters-in-law she was eventually forced to fend for herself. Shunned by other relatives who considered her presence a bad omen - Jal Devi had no choice but to go and for death.

Jal Devi came to Vrindavan hoping for "moksha" (salvation) from the cycle of birth and death as per Hindu philosophy and an end to a five decades of pain and misery.

"This is the abode of Lord Krishna . If I can die in Krishna's abode, I would consider myself really lucky. We come here to die. We are here to die. I am already 94 year old and six months later, when the monsoon rains come, I will be 95," said a frail looking Jal Devi fighting her tears.

Sharing a dingy room with another widow Jal Devi is among the few widows in Vrindavan who are lucky to find refuge in special homes like Aamar Bari, meaning "My Home" in Bengali, where they are fed, clothed and trained to stitch and read and write.

About 120 widows cope with the trauma of loneliness by living together in an almost collegiate atmosphere at the home with verses from the Hindu holy scripture Bhagwad Gita painted on the walls.

Maneka Mukherjee, a post graduate and one of India's first woman librarians, is yet another widow forced to spend the evening of her life in a widow shelter as her two educated daughters, one a doctor, refuse to take care of her.

"I have come here because it is a holy place and my own people are not interested in looking after me and taking care of me. They don't want to spend a penny for me, that is why I have come here," said Mukherjee.

The pathetic plight of widows at Vrindavan, most from the eastern state of West Bengal, reflects the overall callous attitude toward widows in traditional Indian society.

Today, India has some 33 million widows, census figures show, many of whom live on the fringes of society because of the stigma attached to them.

Mohini Giri, one of India's leading women rights activists, who founded the Amar Bari home for widows in Vrindavan says her aim is to provide dignity in death to these extremely unfortunate women.

"All together, in India there are 33 million women who are widowed -- 11 percent of the women's population. Out of that there are 16,000 widows in Vrindavan itself. Every fourth household in India has got a widow. The stigma of widowhood is due to patriarchal society where a man does not want to give power to the woman and he looks down upon her, makes her look shabby by getting her hair tonsured and getting her to wear white clothes. She comes here, to seek salvation, to Vrindavan. She thinks it is a holy place, the widow, and she thinks here she will get salvation. She wants dignity in death. They are all waiting for death here, those 16,000 women," said Giri.

Adding insult to their injury, these widows are shunned even after death for at times they can't even find enough people to help cremate a dead widow because of the stigma attached.