Five Ways To Build A Relationship With Your Future
Mother In Law
Author: Tiffany R. Wright

After years of working on weddings, there is one character that
I have come to pity: the mother of the groom. Most of the
attention at weddings, aside from that given to the couple, is
placed on the mother and father of the bride. The parents of the
groom are largely left out of the planning process and the
wedding day seems structured to lavish attention on the bride
and her family: her mother helps her to get dressed, her father
walks her down the aisle and everyone recognizes the bittersweet
nature of the day for the parents of the bride. While the day is
just as bittersweet for the parents of the groom, their
participation is typically limited to a cameo during the
processional. For my part, I have made it a priority to arrange
time prior to the ceremony for the parents of the groom to spend
a few quiet moments with the groom. But I've also taken to
strongly encouraging brides to forge a relationship with the
mother of the groom during the planning process.

Brides, imagine for a moment how your future mother in law must
be feeling. She has tirelessly and selflessly worked to ensure
that her son was taken care of and has watched him grow into the
man that he is today. And now she must give him over to the new
lady in his life. Her feelings about your groom are as strong as
your mother's feelings about you. This is also a person, like it
or not, with whom you will have a lifelong relationship. So why
not start the bonding process by allowing her to participate in
your wedding planning? Granted, there are experiences that you
might want to share exclusively with your mother, but there are
several ways to include your mother in law as well.

Have a Moms Luncheon

Soon after your engagement, reach out to your mother in law and
ask her to join you for lunch. If you'd like, you can also
invite your mom to this meeting as well. This is the opportunity
for her to get to know you outside of your relationship with her
son. Tell her that you would like for her to be involved in the
planning as much as possible. This sets in place a positive
foundation on which you can build throughout the planning
process.

Keep her in the loop about your plans

Be sure to include your future mother in law in your wedding
related emails and/or newsletters and ask for her input on
wedding details (i.e., bridesmaid dresses, flowers, vendors,
etc.)

Invite her to vendor meetings

As previously stated, there may be moments that you wish to
share alone with your mom, most notably your dress fittings, but
there are also several places where your future mother in law
can assist. Invite her to important meetings such as the tasting
with the caterer, the walk through of the venue, and meetings
with the florist. During the meetings, make a special effort to
ask her what she's thinking about your plans.

Allow her to assist in planning the bridal shower and rehearsal
dinner

Of course, you will not be involved in planning your bridal
shower, but you should mention your desire to include your
mother in law in the planning to your maid of honor or
designated planner. Traditionally, the groom's parents are in
charge of the rehearsal dinner however, many couples are now
taking on this responsibility themselves. If this is the case,
be sure to ask for input from your mother in law and definitely
give her the chance to have words at the dinner.

Keep in touch after the wedding

After the wedding is over, you should continue building your
relationship with your mother in law. Don't limit your
interaction with her to times when your husband is involved.
Take the initiative to call, visit and hang out with her on a
regular basis.

Like any relationship, your relationship with your mother in
law will take some work, but it is certainly worth it in the
end. A great mother in law can be a good friend, shopping
partner and someday, the perfect babysitter!


About The Author: Tiffany R. Wright is a top wedding planner in
the Washington, DC area. She is the founder of Pirouette Events
(http://www.pirouetteevents.com), a premiere wedding planning
company in Maryland.