Midlife Meltdown: Attract or Avoid?
 Sandra Jones


A midlife meltdowns show-up in a variety of ways. The meltdown
can be a steamy affair, wild travel adventures or dropping
everything, to follow a whim. At 48 I had mine. I was tired and
weary, ready to let go after being a single divorcee for 20
years.  So, when an attractive man 20 years my senior, energetic,
vibrant, and sweet on me arrived, I gave up some of me for us.  I
ended up with a six-year relationship rather than the permanent
one I desired.  Through that experience and my journey since I
have learned the difference between attracting and avoiding a
midlife meltdown.

At midlife particularly we are prompted by our psyches to bring
forth stifled and/or ignored parts of ourselves that are hungry
for expression.  Expression that helps us become more fulfilled.
The trick is to keep the evolutionary from becoming
revolutionary. We can make decisions that adversely affect us as
well as the lives of those closest to us.

If we want to avert this disruption, it's important to recognize
a meltdown in the making and how to avoid it and create a
healthier transition.

To attract a meltdown:

1. Brush off the feeling that you can no longer tolerate the
status quo. Ignore restlessness or loss of interest in your job,
husband, and/or sex life.

2. Press on; keep doing what you have always done at the pace
that you have always done it. After all it has worked for a long
time, and you have only five more years to early retirement or
until your husband is ready to make a move, etc.

3. Dismiss any time to reflect and evaluate what you want for
yourself.


To avoid a midlife meltdown:

1. Notice.  What brings you pleasure and what depletes you?  You
may feel drained on the job, but the pay level is great.  A job
may require a cost/benefit analysis.  Is the cost of the
physical, emotional, spiritual drain worth the income flow or
could it be time for a change?

2. Be aware.  Tune into your feelings, your thoughts, and your
behavior. What is "conversation in your head" telling you? Is
part of you feeling angry and ignored while part of you is
feeling entitled to comforts to which you have become accustomed.
If there is a conflict, how can you address conflicting needs?

3. Tune in.  Allow yourself to take a Saturday or a week to
yourself. Get lost in a funky coffee shop or sort things out at a
beach house where you can be alone and tune in. Listen for your
heart's story. Write it, let it take on a life of its own and
show you parts of you that are longing for expression.

4. Rediscover what gives you joy.  A very successful professional
found herself enthusiastically cleaning out closets for relatives
and friends. She finally began looking at her own "closets."
What no longer belonged in her life?  What talents was she hungry
to bring forth?

5. Deepen your spiritual connection. For many, midlife is a rich
time to find meaning and the chance to nurture your spiritual
connection and practices.

6. Have conversations with a trusted confidant, coach, or
counselor if you find yourself acting in ways that you don't
feel any freedom.

Yes, I would say that my six-year relationship at 48 was close to
a meltdown.  I managed to get very ill a couple of times, and in
the end my soul's calling prevailed. I value the relationship
for what it provided - a stronger sense of my own authority, a
renewed love of the out-of-doors, and a respect for the aging
process. However, there were costs. I "retired" for most of
those six years and am making up for some of the career
opportunities I have missed.  Thankfully I went through most of
those six years conscious, making the best choices I could to
balance head and heart.

By choosing to meet midlife fully present and with intentional
choice, you too can craft a midlife metamorphosis rather than a
meltdown.




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Sandra Jones works with midlife women who want to flourish in
the Second Half.  As a leadership and life coach and trainer
she has worked with hundreds of women challenged by the
internal and external forces that call them to listen
more deeply to their soul's calling, to their own
wisdom and to the wisdom of other women. Visit
http://www.CoachingAdventures.com for more
information.