Christian Sex - 7 Barriers to Fulfilling Married Sexuality
Author: Terre Grable

Christian Sex - 7 Barriers to Fulfilling Married Sexuality
Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a
fulfilling sexuality.   Yet, it is an essential ingredient
for a vital Christian marriage.  Here are 7 barriers to a
fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples

1. Not knowing what God says about sex

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex
(Genesis 1: 27-28.)  God had just created humanity in His
image, commanded them to be "fruitful and multiply", and
then commented "it was good" (Genesis 1:31.)  Somehow, it
seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or
your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or
their sexual preferences, intimacy is created.  An
emotional bond results from the intimate level of
vulnerability on a conversational level.  A great place to
start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means
to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have
sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation,
rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic
references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that
is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun
with sex with different positions and places.  However, all
must be with respect for your spouse's considerations.  I
Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates,
not just us.  It is written from a spirit of equality,
where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than
one controlling the other.  For one spouse to force the
other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

4    Failure to plan

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually
frustrated.  While some of this may be attributed to
different sexual appetites, much more is a result of
infrequency.   Sex is never convenient, but is critical to
a vital relationship.  Plan for sex like you would any
other appointment.  Rather than thinking of this as stale,
consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan
for the special time together.  Planning also alleviates
any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior.
Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the
other.  Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life
becomes a bartering system.  Because of its vulnerability,
lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful.  Find
other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to
overcome your resentments.

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage.  Victims
of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or
experience painful reminders of the past.  For some, there
may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been
wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to
deserve this.  Furthermore, there is hope.  I encourage you
to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and
begin the road to recovery.  It is one thing to survive
sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

7. Pornography

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex
life is pornography.  And yes, I am talking about Christian
marriages. Images are burned into a person's mind, thereby
creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or
harmful behaviors.  Some couples have stated the use of
pornography enhances their sex life.  I disagree.  Not only
is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by
focusing on the physical rather than love.  If your
marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified
counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of
confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a
healthy Christian sex life.  The reality is that God has
given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather
than tolerate, or misuse.  So much of today's culture
promotes a contaminated view of sex.  As Christians, let's
change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a
healthy Christian sexuality


About the Author:

Looking for more tips on how to have a fulfilling married
sex life?  I invite you to check out
http://www.greatchristiansex.com/ for tips that are fun and
informative without being the least bit offensive.
Terre Grable is a Christian licensed professional
counselor.  She enjoys helping couples strengthen and
rebuild intimacy within their marriage and relationships.