Ms. Perfect at Work
Author: Robert Elias Najemy

This type of worker has an attachment to a perfect result.
Before going on, let us make a clarification between three
totally different things: First, there is the effort we
make in a certain task we are doing. Next comes the result
of that effort. Thirdly, there is the other's opinions of
that result.

Most people in this category are attached to the third
factor - -  what other people think about them based on the
results of their work.

Being attached to the perfect result or to a positive
judgment on the part of others has nothing to do with being
attached to making as perfect an effort as possible.

BASIC BELIEFS

Most people playing the role of Ms. Perfect, either for
themselves or for others, are basically focused on what
type of affirmation, approval or recognition they can gain
from others through the perfect result. Some beliefs that
function in their conscious and subconscious minds are:

1. If I am not perfect, then I am not good.

2. Then people will not love me. They will not accept me,
if I am not perfect.

3. I will be alone, insecure.

4. Mistakes are unacceptable.

5. I must never make a mistake.

6. I must be better than the others in order to be
acceptable.

7. I must know more than the others in order to be
acceptable.

8. I must be the best, in order to be loved.

9. In order for me to love and accept myself, I must have
recognition and approval from others.

10. I must prove myself to others.

11. I am guilty (not worthy) and must do more than the
others.

12. If I make mistakes or if I am not better than the
others, I am not worthy of love.

Parents, teachers and other well meaning adults, in their
intention to help the child "produce, progress more
rapidly" and "be ready for a competitive world," program
their children in exactly this way.

This happens not only with negative programming but it also
happens with positive programming, such as "Oh, how proud I
am of you; how much we love you because you have done so
well."

The child may hear his parents bragging to others parents
about his or her child's performance. This may make the
child identify the other's love with the condition that he
or she is superior to others, or perfect. Parents must do
everything they can to encourage their children, and help
them to grow emotionally and mentally without giving them
the idea that their love will be more or less depending on
the child's performance. Love needs to be unconditional,
not dependent on such factors, if we really want to produce
a healthy person.

WHAT ARE THE RESULTS ?

When someone has the above-mentioned programming, she may
actually become a very good worker from a production
standpoint. She may be efficient, capable, conscientious,
and quick, and will probably work more hours than others in
order to obtain better results. This is undoubtedly a
positive result to be desired from all workers. There are,
however, some other negative side effects, when someone
functions out of a strong need for recognition through
performance.

First, these people will usually have anxiety about the
results of any effort until it is completed. This anxiety
is detrimental to their health, which means that in later
years they are likely to have various psychosomatic
problems that in the end may dampen their ability to
"produce" as efficiently as they once did.

This anxiety also has a negative effect on those around
them. It makes them nervous. In cases where Ms. Perfect
needs others' cooperation, she may feel the need to push
them, control them, criticize them or come into conflict
with them if she fears they will prevent her from getting
the result she needs in order to accept herself or feel
secure.

She will tend to lack confidence in other's abilities, and
thus be unable to allow others to take on responsibilities
or help her because they may make mistakes or slow her
down. In such a case, she often does much more work than
she needs to and more than others around her do. This often
results in her feeling that she is being used or unfairly
treated, but she has created this situation by not being
able to accept help or delegate responsibilities to
others.

Because of this, others around her settle into the role of
Mr. Unable or Mr. Lazy since she is taking care of
everything. The others do not develop their own inner
powers and abilities by learning new things. She is headed
for ill health and probably negative relationships with the
others.

Because of her need for recognition in comparison to the
others, she has the need to be better them. This means she
is competitive. This competitive attitude (whether
conscious or subconscious) stimulates the same attitude in
her coworkers, and we now have a group that is competing
rather than cooperating. In the end, this is neither
pleasant, nor productive.

This competitive behavior creates various personality
conflicts that reduce concentration, effectiveness and
cooperation that are necessary for any organism,
organization or group to function harmoniously.

She usually needs to show off her accomplishments, either
overtly or covertly, in various subtle ways. This creates
the same need in the others, and a great deal of energy is
lost in conversations and games rather than in
concentration on the work that needs to be done.

Because she usually needs more recognition from specific
people than others, she will put certain people, such as
those above her professionally or socially, in the role of
her parents and need their approval more than from others.
She will naturally develop an unequal behavior toward
various people. She may be very polite and kind to those
from whom she needs recognition, and harsh and
disrespectful, perhaps even aggressive or rejecting, to
those who are "equal or below" her on the professional or
social ladder.

Thus, we can see that although there are some very positive
results to be had by this kind of conditioning, there are
also many negative side effects. The optimum worker would
be one who was as conscientious, effective, productive and
creative as Ms. Perfect, but without her need for
recognition from others.

WHAT CAN SHE DO ?

First, she can make this very important distinction between
five different realities: her self, her effort, her motive,
the result, and what other people think about her result.
She can try to develop unconditional love and acceptance
for herself, independent of the results of her actions and
what other people think of her.

She can learn to realize that she is worthy of love and
respect, regardless of her performance. She can keep her
desire to make as perfect an effort as possible while
accepting the results as the best possible result for the
moment.

She can realize that there are many other factors in this
universe besides her efforts that also play a part in the
creation of those results. There are her past actions and
the state of the universe at this time, which are also
powerful factors affecting the results. The results are not
dependent solely on her present effort.

She can also realize that she is an immortal soul in the
process of evolution, and that if she were really perfect,
she would not have incarnated. Because she is obviously not
perfect, she can accept that fact and get along with the
process of doing her best.

It would be useful for her to admit her weaknesses and
mistakes to others in order to get free from this image of
Ms. Perfect. This will also help others to feel more
comfortable with her. We are programmed to believe that
others will love us more if we are perfect. In some cases,
the opposite might be true. Often others feel more
comfortable with us when we can admit our imperfections and
thus are "like them".

Ms. Perfect can learn to delegate responsibilities and
realize that the growth someone can have through learning
to do something new, even if she does not do it as
perfectly as she could, is more important than the perfect
result. Eventually, this person will learn and grow
mentally and spiritually through this learning process, and
Ms. Perfect will be free from that additional
responsibility. This is evolution.

She can practice exercises, breathing techniques and deep
relaxation or meditation daily to relax her nervous system
and be more relaxed at work.

Finally, she can accept that she is the way she is and
accept and love herself with her perfectionism until she is
able to put it into the perspective. She can accept even
this as a part of her growth process.

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30
years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and
now does so over the Internet.
Over 600 free articles, lectures, relaxation and positive
projection as mp3 audio. Become a life coach.
At http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/