Dealing With An Angry Person
Author: Steve Moore

Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be
challenging to deal with. I'd like to share a few ideas in how
to react to another's anger, whether it's a spouse, friend, or
even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry
yourself, which of course is something to avoid in the first
place.

Listen - Let the person vent a little, and get their words and
feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend
yourself, it's going to just make things worse. Wait for them
to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important
skill in many other situations also. A good technique for
listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand
them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.

Stay Calm - Don't go into anger mode yourself, it just
compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is
unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.

Validate - Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their
emotions just because you feel it's unjustified. The fact is
that they feel this way, and you will help the situation by
accepting and acknowledging the way they feel. Let them know
this with phrases such as "I see that you're really upset with
me and am sorry this had to happen".

Take Responsibility - Don't let you ego assume that you are
totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully
aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that
your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether
the actions were justified. Find things that you can freely
admit you were in error about, and this may help resolve the
other person's anger.

Time-Out - If possible, take a time-out, and let the other
person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately
will often make it worse. Give ti some time to settle down, and
then discuss it if necessary. People will require different
amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive
to their needs.

Agree to Disagree - Sometimes you're not going to ever decide
that someone was right or wrong, and the debate can go on
endlessly with each party trying to convince the other. In
these cases, it's best to just acknowledge that you each have
different options, and leave it at that. We don't always have
to agree on things. Just "Agree to Disagree" then change the
subject and move on to something else quickly. If you can find
a win/win solution to the issue that's great, however it's not
always possible.

Keep Perspective - Keep things in perspective, and ask yourself
how important the topic of the argument really is in the big
picture. It's so easy to get into a huge argument over what is
a trivial thing, and the debate becomes more a personal issue
of proving something which really doesn't matter. Be willing to
just let it go.

Release the Anger - If you're holding a lot of anger yourself,
find a good way to release it. What works best will be
different for each of us, but some ideas include: talking a
walk, go for a bike ride, play a video game, work in the
garden, phone a friend, go shopping, take a bath, or anything
that will take your mind off it. Time is a great healer.

Avoid Violence - Never use physical violence against another in
anger, if you are doing this you should seek professional help
before you hurt someone. If you are the recipient of violent
anger, then you need to physically get away from that person,
as quick as you can.

With anyone you spend a lot of time with, you should work
together towards ending anger. Make a pact to try to avoid this
emotion which does your relationship no good. If you can both
become better listeners, it will go a long ways towards
reducing anger, because people will know they can count on you
to listen to them. Anger will otherwise become their tool to
get your attention.


About The Author: Steve Moore operates two websites at
http://www.personal-development.com and
http://www.positivearticles.com