The Gradations of Abuse
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"

Is sexual abuse worse than emotional abuse? Is verbal abuse less deleterious
than physical abuse (beatings)? Somehow, the professional literature implies
that there is a hierarchy with sexual mistreatment at its nadir. It is rare
to hear about a dissociative identity disorder ("multiple personality") that
is the outcome of constant oral humiliation in early childhood. But it is
thought to be a common response to egregious sexual molestation of infants
and to other forms of deviance and perversions with minors.

Yet, these distinctions are spurious. One's mental space is as important to
one's healthy development and proper adult functioning as one's body.
Indeed. the damage in sexual abuse is hardly corporeal. It is the
psychological intrusion, coercion, and the demolition of nascent boundaries
of the self that inflict the most damage.

Abuse is a form of long-term torture usually inflicted by one's nearest and
dearest. It is a grievous violation of trust and it leads to disorientation,
fear, depression, and suicidal ideation. It generates aggression in the
abused and this overwhelming and all-pervasive emotion metastasizes and
transforms into pathological envy, violence, rage, and hatred.

The abused are deformed by the abuser both overtly - many develop mental
health disorders and dysfunctional behaviours - and, more perniciously,
covertly. The abuser, like some kind of alien life form, invades and
colonizes the victim's mind and becomes a permanent presence. Abused and
abuser never cease the dialog of hurt, recrimination, and glib denial or
rationalization that is an integral part of the act.

In a way, psychological abuse - emotional and verbal - is harder to "erase"
and "deprogram". Words resonate and reverberate, pain resurfaces,
narcissistic wounds keep opening. The victims proceeds to pay with stunted
growth and recurrent failure for his own earlier degradation and
objectification.

Social attitudes don't help. While sexual and physical abuse are slowly
coming to the open and being recognized as the scourges that they are -
psychological abuse is still largely ignored. It is difficult to draw a line
between strict discipline and verbal harassment. Abusers find refuge in the
general disdain for the weak and the vulnerable which is the result of
suppressed collective guilt. The "good intentions" defence is still going
strong.

The professional community is no less to blame. Emotional and verbal abuse
are perceived and analyzed in "relative" terms - not as the absolute evils
that they are. Cultural and moral relativism mean tat many aberrant and
deplorable behaviour patterns are justified based on bogus cultural
"sensitivities" and malignant political correctness.

Some scholars even go as far as blaming the victim for his or her
maltreatment (the discipline is known as victimology). Is the abused
guilty - even partially - for the abuse? Does the victim emit a "come-on"
signal, picked up by would-be abusers? Are certain types of people more
prone to abuse than others?

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AUTHOR BIO (must be included with the article)



Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self
Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East.
He served as a columnist for Global Politician, Central Europe Review,
PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International (UPI)
Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central
East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of
Macedonia.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com