The Freedom of  Saying "No"
Gail Solish

We live in a fast paced world and often we believe that the way
to get ahead is to take on more and more.  The price we pay for
doing "more" or too much is feeling overwhelmed and out of
balance.  "NO" is just a simple two letter word.  Yet it is often
the hardest word to say.  The challenge is to set limits and
boundaries for ourselves which requires us to learn how to say
"no".  Why is this so difficult?  Some of the reasons we may have
trouble saying "no," are because we want to be liked, may be
afraid that others would get angry or upset, or perhaps we may
have been taught to always be agreeable and give others what they
want.  Women in particular often have been conditioned to say yes
to all requests.

Whatever the reason, there are consequences of our inability to
say no.  We might feel that people are constantly taking
advantage of us.  We could experience feelings of being
overwhelmed, angry, irritable or resentful.  Our bodies could be
experiencing constant fatigue, tension, headaches or various
other aches and pains.  Our behaviors with others might be more
abrupt, bordering on rude and we probably would be doing less of
the things that we enjoy.

One client I worked with was very accommodating and took on every
thing she was asked to do at work.  She began to notice that she
was doing a lot of tasks that really were not her job but rather
the responsibility of others.  She became resentful and angry but
did not know how to get out of the situation.

Another good natured individual was always willing to give a
helping hand to her friends, family, colleagues and community.
She sat on numerous committees, baked for fundraising events and
was seen as someone you could always count on.   She enjoyed this
picture of herself.  However she had less time for herself and
her family.  She would stay up late to finish all the tasks she
had agreed to, didn't get enough sleep and was impatient with
her husband and children.  At work she was short tempered with
her staff and it actually took her longer to accomplish less.

Not being able to set appropriate boundaries and limits for
ourselves can ultimately lead to all kinds of difficulties.  It
is important to fully understand what is being asked of you,
prior to making a decision.  If we make assumptions before we
have all the facts it can negatively impact our ability to
complete a project.  Keep all projects manageable, it is less
stressful and the outcome is more successful.

So let's look at some creative ways of say "no".

* "Can I get back to you on that?"  This allows you the
opportunity to think about  whether you actually want to do it."

* "I'm sorry I'm unable to take on any new projects for the
next 3-4 weeks."

* "Why don't you ask (name) to do that as I won't be able to
get to it."

* "I can't do it right now, why do0n't you ask me again later
and perhaps I'll have time."

* "I can do this part, but you'll have to find someone else to
do the rest."

* Just say "no" without any explanation.

Notice the people around you who are able to say "no" and how
they say it.  Perhaps some of their strategies could work for
you. Trying something different takes practice so say no to
something every day, so that you begin to get comfortable with
the word.


Copyright 2006, Gail Solish. All rights reserved.




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Gail Solish, MSW, RSW provides Executive/Personal coaching to
managers, directors and executives focused on workplace
development and relationship management. Claim your FR-EE
e-course "Unleash Your Potential and Increase Productivity
and Fulfillment" at http://www.ActualizeYourGoals.com
or contact Gail at 416-322-0029.