Dating After Loss
Author: Ron Zvagelsky

Deciding to start dating again after a loss is a courageous and
brave way to reclaim your life after the death of a loved one.
There is no time limit as to when you should start dating
again, or even a rule that says you must date again, but you
will find that everyone, from your family to your neighbors
will have an opinion on the subject.

Everyone experiences grief differently and therefore mourning
periods are not the same for everyone. What may be a sufficient
time of mourning for you may seem like too short a time for
someone else. Some people actually believe that there are rules
and ways to behave after the death of a spouse. These notions
are as archaic as the long ago idea that a widow must marry the
brother of her dead husband.

Some people may worry that to begin dating again would, in some
ways, be cheating on your deceased spouse. Anxieties will cloud
the air and old fears will surface. The best help for getting
through this new phase of your life is to have a good set of
friends by your side, holding your hand, and keeping you
steady. Expressing your feelings of mourning in a safe place is
a good way to begin the healing process.

Coming to terms with your previous marriage is important before
you can move forward. If you are lucky enough to fall in love a
second (or third) time it will not be the same type of love as
your previous marriage. You are older and more mature and you
approach life differently.

Experts say that being able to reestablish a sense of intimacy
with someone other than your spouse is more difficult for
widows. If you feel comfortable getting out into the dating
world you should try it.

It may be a hard thing to figure out, but make sure that when
you do date that you are dating for the right reasons. Dating
to fill a void is unfair to you and your new partner. You
simply cannot replace the partner that you lost, but the heart
can love again.

Talking about your deceased spouse when you are dating again is
common. Just don't spend the entire evening reliving your former
life. Make sure you spend time getting to know your date for who
they are and try not to morph them into a therapist role.


About The Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business
Administration from the University of Southern California. He
graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the
Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find
http://www.planjam.com/weblog