Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence
Author: Regena English

Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years. People use
the words as if they represent an incurable disease rather than what
it really is, deplorable human behaviors. It doesn't matter how many
times Oprah, Sally, or Montel talk about domestic violence it is
still happening to many of their audience members and viewers, why?

In this society we have a bad habit of excusing women of being
responsible for themselves, thus leaving them as victims to the
madness of their abusers. It's imperative women understand their
bodies and minds are to be treated with respect and honor, and it is
within their power to enforce treatment befitting a human being.

Enforce? Yes, if they're in an environment that is unhappy due to
beatings and cruel criticisms it's their duty to move to safer
ground, a place where negative words and actions are not levied
against them. Women need to know, if a man or woman loves them enough
to fill a mustard seed they would never give them a black eye,bruise
ribs, shoot or cut them, nor would they ever open their mouths to
utter degrading terms directed at them. Love should never humiliate
or beat you silly.

For the past decade talk shows have filled the airways with sad
stories of living with violently insane persons but they left out a
significant part, the part of the woman. Men and women both sit on
talk shows claiming they can't control their behavior, they blame
their parents and babysitters for abusing them, they blame the parish
priest for molesting them, they blame society for not removing them
from an abusive household as children, they blame the gun
manufacturer, they blame their loved ones for upsetting them and the
list goes on. When will the blaming to justify their abuse stop?

It'll stop when women (and men) stop making excuses for why
their "love ones" hit, kick, bite, and degrade them. It'll stop when
women walk away the first time a man (or woman) assault them, instead
of, enduring twenty years pretending he or she's going to magically
change.

Recently I saw a talk show discussing domestic violence and I was
deeply sadden by the guest speaker's summation of domestic violence.
There was a theme emerging, the only person to blame is the
perpetrator, after all they're mentally ill. Not once did she point
out how victims aren't victims until they surrender their power,
which gave the impression she was saying the victims aren't
responsibility for themselves.

I'm not saying they (as in the victim) can control anyone but
themselves, no I'm saying there's always something the "victim" can
do to legitimately protect themselves from further harm. Are these
options perfect? The answer is no, but, at least the "victim" would
be attempting to do something rather than throwing their hands in the
air and accepting the harsh treatment as facts of life.

After watching the show I soon discovered other women who were also
put off by the so-called abuse expert's explanations and comments.
Like me they were left with a sour taste in their mouth on how women
are encouraged to remain passive and not pro-active to the first
signs of abuse. There's power in saying and meaning, no I will not
permit you to hit me ever, but somehow it seems these experts are
trying to preserve victimhood.

Three women confided in me their reasons for being disappointed with
the show's guest.

"I lived with abuse for fifteen years. Every weekend I wore a black
eye. One day I woke up and thought to myself, I don't hit him so why
should I let him hit me. That's when the light came on, I should be
treated the way I treat him. I took responsibility for my allowing
this man to hit me. I decided he wouldn't hit me anymore and got out.
Who cares how mentally ill he is, I have to be sane for me and see
where my power lies." VPalmer

"Expert huh? Women will always be victimized if they never see by not
reacting with action, as in getting out, when abuse first starts
they're enabling the abuser. Why is it so hard to just say that
instead of all that beating around the bush." anonymous

"I'm disgusted. Women can count on future generations being abused
because there's no encouragement for them to feel strong and in
charge of themselves." Lee

It's time we, as human beings, take responsibility for our futures
the way God intended and stop handing over our power to decide our
own fates to uncaring and abusive people. REMEMBER this, someone
giving you a black eye is not a sign they love you, it's a sign they
have issues that has nothing to do with you and it's time for you to
get away from them.


About the Author:
Regena English, the editor of The Leather Spinsters Newsletter
publication for happily unmarried careerwomen. She is also the author
of a controversial ebook entitled Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees
of Asexuality.http://www.stmaryofhouston.com