Failure To Communicate
By Ty Boyd

In the movie Cool Hand Luke, Strother Martin plays a prison warden who
has inmate Paul Newman worked over for not listening. While the
beating is going on, Martin says, "What we have here is failure to
communicate." Now, you may not get a beating, but poor listening can
get you into trouble.

We often forget that communications is a two-way street. There is
listening as well as speaking. Many people – myself included – find
that listening is the hardest part of the communications equation.

I learned the listening lesson the hard way on the air interviewing
funnyman Jonathon Winters. Instead of asking questions and sitting
back to listen to him being funny, I tried to be funny too. Winters
shut down and I spent 10 minutes of agony on camera.

I should have taken the advice of notoriously tight-lipped President
Calvin Coolidge, "nobody every listened themselves out of a job."

Here are a few tips to help you improve your listening skills.

First, ask questions and listen to the answers. We invite involvement
by seeking input from customers or from audience members. Asking
questions helps build trust, which opens the door for true communication.

Don't interrupt. If you jump in to add your two-cents' worth, that's a
clear signal you are not listening.

Demonstrate that you are listening. Maintain eye contact. Nod, smile,
lean forward. These all are signs that you are engaged with the
speaker. You also can make non-intrusive comments such as "really",
"yes", or "exactly" that encourage the speaker to continue.

Listen accurately. Research has found that we only understand,
properly evaluate and retain about half of what is said during a
10-minute presentation. Within 48 hours, that is down to 25 percent.
To be sure you are hearing the other person correctly, repeat, restate
or rephrase what you thought you heard without adding your own
opinion. If necessary, based on feedback, clarify the original comment
and summarize the entire exchange. Then, watch for signs you still
don't have it right. Frowns or a shaking head may mean communication
is failing.

If you do these things, you'll learn more, others will listen to you
more, you'll build trust, retain more information, and others will be
more interested in you.

Ty Boyd, CEO of Ty Boyd Executive Learning Systems ( www.tyboyd.com),
is in the Broadcast Hall of Fame and the Speakers Hall of Fame. He has
taught presentation skills to Fortune 1000 executives in more than 40
countries. His Excellence In Speaking Institute celebrates its 25th
anniversary in 2005.