What Loving Looks Like in Stepfamilies and Single Parent Families
Author: Jayna Haney

Mom, who do you love more- me or Sarah?

Yes, that was the question my daughter, Jessica, asked when
she was 5. With all siblings, there is usually some
rivalry, and my children were no different. So I would
answer by saying that I loved each of them, and I couldn't
possibly choose. I told them that they were each wonderful
and unique, and there was a place in my heart for each of
them.

When I became engaged to my husband, Mike, my girls both
wanted to know who I loved more, them or Mike. So I told
them there was a place in my heart for each of them that
would always be there. And that when I decided to love
Mike, it didn't mean I loved them less. It meant that my
heart got bigger and Mike was added to it. I also told them
that while I love Mike and I am committed to him, that I am
committed to them and that I am responsible for them.

Our hearts do get bigger as we add people to our lives. And
in the same way, we want to support our children in having
"big" hearts. We want to help them make room for all the
people that may be in their life- other parent, stepparent,
stepsiblings, half siblings, etc. This seems to be one of
the most difficult areas for single parents and
stepfamilies. It may be uncomfortable for us, as Moms and
Dads who have fears about not being as important or as
needed or as loved by our children as some other person but
be assured, your place in your child's heart will never
change.

I will not forget several years ago when my children had a
new stepmother, and I was feeling very insecure. I told
them that I knew that it was important for them to have a
good relationship with her, and that I wanted them to. I
was just struggling with some feelings that I would learn
to deal with, and that weren't their problem. My daughter
said, "What are you afraid of?". And I said, "I'm afraid
you'll love me less". To which my wise daughter replied,
"Mom, that is silly. You are my Mom."

I realized then that I was letting my fear get in the way
of my loving. And that it was very important that I stay
centered in the fact that my children could love other
people too, and it didn't take away from me.

Help your children to have hearts that keep getting bigger.
Give them room to love all those people in their life-
(whether you love all those people or not.)

And that is truly loving.


About the Author:

Jayna Haney,The Bridge Across for Stepfamilies and Single
Parent Families
Check out our FREE Stepfamily and Single Parent Success
Kits and learn more about Jayna and The Bridge Across at
http://www.thebridgeacross.com .