Mama's Baby, Papa's Probably
Author: Lucille Uttermohlen

I can almost feel my ears blister. Tomorrow, I have a case
in Judgipoo's court, and it is just the kind of thing that
makes the wild life in the garden I imagine in his
courtroom come alive. There will be plenty of steam for the
plants, and the animals should have some tasty attorneys to
nibble for lunch. Maybe the crocodiles will let us live.
You know, professional courtesy and all.

About a month ago, I had a divorce set for a final hearing.
It promised to be a typical case. The day before the
divorce was supposed to be finalized, my client told me
that she didn't think her husband was the father of her
child. I filed a motion for a paternity test, and
tomorrow, the guy will probably be officially the father of
a bouncing baby three year old. He might be happy about
it. He apparently knew that she had been less than
faithful while he was on a state paid vacation. She is
hoping the child is the result of another dalliance.

I say he is "probably" going to be declared the daddy with
good reason. The lab test indicated that there was a 99%
chance that hubby was also the daddy. However, the other
suspect is hubby's half brother, and the lab announced that
it would have to have his "DNA" to be sure. My client
based her guess as to the daddy's identity on the times of
the activity that must proceed such things. She said Daddy
was in prison when the child was conceived, and that they
weren't having the tenderest feelings towards each other at
the time. However, she admitted that his stay in the gray
bar hotel had only commenced about 2 weeks before half
brother had a chance to donate his sperm to the
proceedings, and they did have a good-bye ...

Anyway, Judgipoo won't be pleased. He is not patient with
people who don't have the basics worked out before they
come in front of him. He thinks the couple should decide
where their kids should live and who will get what property
and pay what debts before they ask him to intervene. It is
true, as he points out, that he can't possibly learn in a
couple of hours what happened in a marriage over a course
of years.

I will also give him credit for being patient when the
issue really does require his attention. I just don't
think he'll be too happy that he'll have to choose between
two possible fathers. That is one of those things that he
will think the parties should have had settled ahead of
time. Heads will roll. Maybe I'll wear a helmit. I wonder
if crocodiles like their meat a little nervous.


About the Author:

When she's not tending her imaginary rain forests in
Judgipoo's courtroom, Lucille writes about adult
relationship issues at http://www.couple-or-not.com Her
blog is http://www.couple-or-not/blog and you can always
email legal questions or just vent at
lucille@couple-or-not.com