How to Survive a Divorce
Author: Terry Ross

With so many marriages ending up in divorce (around 50% in
America) there has become an ever increasing need for help in
surviving the ordeal of a divorce.

The first thing to you need to do is make doubly sure that
there is no way you can save your marriage and that divorce is
the only option. If you can be sure that you are not making a
mistake in getting divorced the easier it can be to come to
terms with the separation.

Once you have made your decision you need to start mentally
preparing yourself for the life beyond divorce.

Once you have reached this point and you have filed for divorce
there is no point looking back, what has happened is in the past
and you now need to look to what needs to be done to make the
separation easier and start planning for the future.

Don't go blaming yourself and don't start thinking of yourself
as a failure. Divorce happens and so you and your partner
haven't got the marriage idea quite right but you now need to
learn from any mistakes, let go and move on.

I know it's easy for me to say and the concept of divorce is
probably a crushing blow but you can and you will survive this.
You know your marriage and you know it can't be saved and that
you are seeking divorce with good reason. It makes sense to move
on.

You need to try and let go before the end, begin to start
making a new life (at least in your mind) before that final bit
of paper comes through the door.

Divorce is a whole lot easier if the whole process is amicable.
The more fighting and arguing that occurs over custody and
finances the more stressful divorce can be. Divorce is hard
enough you just don't need or want any added animosity. The
harder the divorce the slower the recovery process will be.

Divorced spouse can often be filled with feelings of hatred,
anger and self-loathing. Stress levels run high and it just
seems impossible to get past the frustration and the continual
memories of the failed marriage but divorce has to mean 'the
end'. To survive divorce and get on with your life you need to
visualize and understand the line drawn under your marriage. You
might not like it but you have to accept it.

Don't ever think that because one marriage is failed you won't
enjoy a loving relationship again. You need to re-build your
self-esteem, accept that many marriages fail and that your
divorce doesn't mean you are a failure.

Try and start rebuilding your life and doing something you
enjoy every day. Make sure you have time out from going over and
over your marriage. Deliberately make extra time for things you
enjoy and try and keep your mind occupied for as much of the day
as possible.

Obviously evenings are harder and this is when you need to
start rebuilding your social life. Don't lock yourself away, get
out there, do thinks you enjoy, meet new people and start
learning that there is a whole new life waiting for you. See
divorce as the beginning and not the end!

If you have children don't use them to get at your ex-spouse.
Children suffer enough after a divorce and you need to make it
as easy as possible for them. It's also easier for you if you
can learn to let go of the anger.

If you believe you can do it then you can do it. Don't let
divorce ruin your life, it's your decision to go down with the
sinking ship or get back out there and start swimming. You can
do whatever you want, you can make it happen. There are a whole
load of new opportunities out there just waiting for you to grab
them. It's a bit like riding a horse or a bicycle, if you fall
off you have to get back on if you don't you'll loose your
nerve.


About The Author: For more on marriage problems visit
http://www.commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com