Author: Trisha Stone
1. He's Not Your First Thought in the Morning
You start to notice that when you wake in the morning you
are thinking about other things in your life than "him"!
In fact, you are realising that you are quite enjoying your
life at the moment. Finding time to be with your friends.
Beginning to think about your career again and what you can
do to get to the next stage. A friend has suggested going
on a trip together and you are excited by the idea of
trying something new.
Dating Readiness Sign #1: When you are no longer fixated on
your life with your ex. and your thoughts are changing you
know that life is moving on for you. It won't happen
overnight but slowly over time you begin to feel freer in
your mind. This is not a place of denial but about
coming to terms with the fact that life is taking a
different path.
2. You Are No Longer Angry
Whether you wanted to end the relationship or not it is
often the case that you will go through a period of anger
or bitterness. Sometimes the anger is outward facing - it
is all about "him". He this, he that, he.... Sometimes
you turn the anger and bitterness inwards. In this state
you start to question what you have done, what you could
have done etc. You hear yourself repeating lots of
negative messages to yourself and a lot of self-blame goes
on.
Dating Readiness Sign #2: Now you recognise the good and
bad parts about the relationship and about your own
contribution. This is a time when you have learnt to take
responsibility for what has happened, even if it was he who
wanted to end the relationship. Suddenly you find
yourself simply fed up with thinking this way about "him"
or about men in general. You do really like them, after
all, and realise that this last relationship just didn't
work for you.
3. You Are No Longer Hoping
However much you try not to, you have found yourself
fantasising about him that he will realise that he has made
a mistake and will come back to you. This is very common
- to believe that if you keep "hoping" everything will come
right with you it will. This becomes very dangerous when
it takes up too much of your headspace and you can't think
about anything else. As long as you hold on to that "hope"
you will not move forward.
Dating Readiness Sign #3: When you no longer spend your
time "hoping" that things could be different. When you
are no longer fixated by the ex-relationship. When you
notice that you have spent a whole day, a weekend, and not
thought about "him" because you were having too much fun,
then you know you are ready to date again.
4. You Take Responsibility
It is so easy to blame others, the world, the other woman,
or anything when things go wrong in our lives. Sometimes
there may be factors outside your control that have
hindered your past relationships. Do you find yourself
always believing that it was something to do with someone
else that caused the break-up? There are always two
people in a relationship and each person has to recognise
their own responsibility.
Dating Readiness Sign #4: Being prepared to accept your
part in the relationship is a big step. Whatever has
happened something of what you did, even if it was just
choosing the wrong person for you in the first place, is
your responsibility. When you have got to where you can be
thoughtful and honest with yourself you know that you are
ready to date again.
5. Guess What? You're Happy
Suddenly life feels better. You are going out doing new
things, meeting new people. Even better - when you are
alone you find that you are enjoying your own company.
What's more you have much more energy. Life no longer has
that dragging feel.
Dating Readiness Sign #5: However long it takes there will
be a time when you find that you are happy again. This
will not be an overnight occurrence, but will grow slowly
over time, and this may depend on how long you were in the
past relationship.
Losing a relationship that has been meaningful to you is a
kind of bereavement and you have to move through the same
kind of stages. When you have recognised all the dating
readiness signs then it is time to go out there again.
Don't be tempted to do this before you are ready, because
all you will do is take some of the old stuff with you.
Allow yourself as much time as you need - it really isn't a
race! Better to be in good balance so that your next
relationship has a really good chance to be the right one
for you. Good luck.
About the Author:
Trisha Stone, relationship coach, works with women over 30
who are looking for loving long-term relationships. To
get immediate access to 3 FREE recordings of relationship
teleclasses with Trisha go to
http://www.imsingleagain.com
