It's time to get engaged, and one of the highlights of the
engagement is flashing that gorgeous diamond engagement ring. As
the soon-to-be bride-to-be, you're all set to say "yes." And the
best part – instead of purchasing a ring, you and the fiancé
have decided to use a family heirloom instead.

Hold on sister. Before you accept that heirloom, you may want
to think twice. While the idea of an heirloom engagement ring
may ooze with romance, accepting the gesture can be more of a
headache than it's worth.

Yes, You Love Him, But . . .

These days, an engagement ring is an asset. And with the
divorce rate as high as it is in America, couples unfortunately
have to think about divorce before they even get married.

The reality of failed marriages – not to mention failed
engagements – must not be ignored. Sure, you don't think it will
happen to you, but no couple does.

Accepting a family heirloom as your engagement ring will carry
heavy sentimentality with it. If you and your beloved decide to
part ways, and the ring is his Aunt Betty's, he's going to want
the ring back.

Etiquette says you should give the ring back, but legally, some
states will require you to do so. And if the ring is from your
side of the family, now the heirloom is tainted with the history
and pain of an engagement or marriage that didn't last. And
who's gonna want the ring after that?

Heirloom Engagement Ring Hoops

Before the proposal is made and that heirloom engagement ring
is slipped on your finger, you and the groom-to-be may need to
take a couple of steps that could dull the pending nuptials.

First, whether the heirloom belongs to your side of the family
or his, you must get permission to use it. This alone can stir
family controversy if a sibling or another relative feels the
heirloom belongs to them, or the parents possessing the heirloom
are less than supportive of the engagement. Worse yet, if you
ask for the family heirloom, you're turned down and given a
substitute that you don't like, you can ruffle quite a few
feathers by saying no thanks. But if you accept the back-up, you
are stuck, for a lifetime, with a ring that you don't like.

Next, if the heirloom is not a ring – like a brooch, hairpins,
bracelet or earrings – you have to take the stones from the
jewelry piece, design a ring, find a jeweler to make it, and
undergo the expense of having it made into what you want. Sure
you'll have an authentic ring, but you will have spent enough
money and time to make a down payment on a house and start
building it.

Even if the heirloom is a ring, you likely need to get it
specifically fitted for you. With all of the tasks on the to-do
list for your wedding, purchasing an engagement ring could be
much less hassle. And when you buy your own ring, you're
creating your own heirloom that can one day be passed along to a
member in the next generation of your own family.

An Engagement Ring Compromise

If the idea of not using the family heirloom might break your
heart, or a family member already broke your heart by refusing
to give you the heirloom for your engagement ring, don't
despair. The idea is not completely a lost cause. Here are a
couple of suggestions.

• Engagement Decoy – Use the heirloom to propose and wear it
until you get your "real" ring. This way, the engagement ring is
part of your romantic courtship, but the owner of the piece gets
the ring back.

• Knock-Off – Make a replica of the heirloom that you love so
much. If imitation is the best form of flattery, this is the
ultimate compliment to the owner of the original. And, while you
are replicating the existing design, you can customize your ring
to fit your signature style.

• Postpone – Especially if the parents who own the heirloom
engagement ring have doubts about your marital union, you can
strike a deal with them: If you stay together as a couple for
five years or ten years – the number is up to you – then you and
hubby get the family heirloom. Not only does this quell any ill
feelings, you'll know that you're getting an antique ring for
your anniversary that year.

Many years ago, women felt it an honor to be given the
engagement ring or another sentimental heirloom of a woman in
her or her fiancé's families. These days, brides are more
opinionated about every aspect of their wedding, and the ring
she'll be wearing for the rest of her life is no exception. Do
yourself a favor – save the heirloom for your big anniversary
party 10 years down the road, and start your own tradition with
a diamond engagement ring that reflects your personal style and
is a unique expression of your love for one another.


About The Author: Jill Renee is the president of Danforth
Diamond, a leading online retailer of diamond engagement rings,
diamonds, and wedding rings. Danforth Diamond can be found
online at: http://www.danforthdiamond.com