The 7 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Dating,
Love & Commitment
Author: Deborrah Cooper
Faced with yet another Saturday night alone, single women
everywhere wonder what they are doing wrong. Just why is it that
so many beautiful, accomplished women are without the loving
partners they seek?
Women ponder this issue, often getting together to plan how to
dress, do their hair and makeup and which diet works best to
quickly lose 5 pounds, as they prepare for the next date, which
is hoped to be with the man of their dreams.
Twenty years of experience as a dating expert opened my eyes to
what men are REALLY looking for when they decide to settle down.
And though a pleasant visual presentation is important, the key
ingredient to attracting a man is what you present that touches
him on the INSIDE Looks and outfits may catch his eye initially,
but that isn't want keeps him interested and that certainly
isn't what makes him fall in love and commit to you.
So if you're tired of sitting at home alone on Saturday night,
and what you've been doing to connect to men isn't working, it's
time to examine your dating strategy and make immediate changes.
Based upon interviews with hundreds of men, I've come up with
the top seven, most important recommendations for getting the
man you want.
#1 - DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. With an estimated
95 million singles in America, the ability to flirt and the
willingness to make the first move are essential skills for
single women. Remember though, if you make the first move and he
doesn't respond with interest and is just lightly friendly, let
it go and move on.
If a guy is interested in knowing you, he will take the bait.
It is never necessary for you to chase a man. "Though we're
bigger and stronger physically than women, we're just as
sensitive and nervous about meeting new people as you are!"
writes David, a 35 year old machinist. "Give me the green light
with a smile and a 'hello!' to let me know you're interested.
I'll take it from there!"
#2 - PROJECT CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM. Be accepting and
comfortable with who and what you are. Project a bit of mystery,
a lot of confidence, and a strong belief in your self worth. He
knows if you value and respect yourself highly he will have to
step up his game to have a chance. This inspires his competitive
nature! Remember, men like a puzzle and a challenge, and don't
appreciate anything which comes with little to no effort on his
part.
Dress in a way that makes you feel good no matter what your
body type, and in a way that is appropriate for the occasion.
Watching what you eat and exercising should become a regular
part of your lifestyle to maintain a healthy weight, and strong
cardiovascular system. But don't think you have to diet
endlessly and be a size 4 to attract a great guy.
"When a woman feels good about herself, she oozes confidence
and sex appeal – two traits that are very intriguing to men,"
says Jerry, a 26 year old programmer. "Guys are visual
creatures, and notice posture, facial expressions, grooming and
attire which to us project how you feel about yourself."
#3 - BE CLEAR ABOUT EXACTLY WHAT IT IS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
"What do you want? I ask women that all the time and they never
have a clear answer. It drives me crazy!" writes Cory, 28 from
Seattle. "I mean, if we are both looking for a casual "friend
with benefits" thing it's cool. Or are you looking for a
long-term thing… someone to build a future with? I can roll with
that too if it's right. I do want to get married someday. But
ladies, if I offer just one thing and you want the other, don't
get mad at me later when you settled for something you never
really wanted!" Enough said.
#4 - REACQUAINT YOURSELF WITH THE KITCHEN. The phrase "the way
to a man's heart is through his stomach" is actually true. Men
love the feeling of being nurtured and pampered and treated in a
special way. Try inviting an available bachelor over for a home
cooked meal and watch him break his neck to get there! Imagine
this: he arrives, you open the door looking beautiful. His nose
is met by the appetizing scent of his favorite foods. You feed
him and make him laugh and relax. His belly is full, your place
is warm and inviting. Tell me, where is he going to go to get
anything better than that?
"Since guys express love through action, when a man does
something nice for a woman he is saying 'I love you.' When a
woman does something for a man, he interprets it as the woman
saying she loves him back. Many women feel telling a man how
they feel with words is enough. Well, it isn't. For a man love
must be demonstrated to be real," Raymond, a 32 year old foreign
car mechanic from Los Angeles relayed in a phone interview. For
him and a great many of the men interviewed, cooking met that
need.
#5 - WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. Smart women judge a man by
his CHARACTER - not by how much money he makes, the car he
drives, or other superficial/ material things. Smart women also
accept a man just as he is, choosing to get closer only to men
that command their admiration and respect. "If you've made poor
choices in the past, don't bash the entire male gender! Women
decide who to date, sleep with, commit to and marry. You pick
your man, he doesn't pick you. Should you have a history of
choosing the wrong guys, that's YOUR fault, not mine!" Marcus, a
52 year old manager explained.
Likewise, do not waste time trying to change a man into Mr.
Perfect by nagging, correcting, questioning or criticizing him.
A quote attributed to late actress Natalie Wood reads: "the only
thing women can change on men is their diapers." Clark, a 27
year old Police Officer agrees wholeheartedly. "Men don't change
unless they really want to and there is nothing you can do to
MAKE me change either!"
#6 - BECOME MENTALLY ENGAGING AND FUN TO BE AROUND! "Can you
tell these women that they need to have something going on in
their life? If your only interests are watching television,
reading fashion magazines, talking on the phone and shopping,
you are one boring chick!" complained Steven, a 34 year old
Dallas attorney.
"I love basketball. Do you know anything about sports? Are you
open-minded or do you turn up your nose at suggestions I have
for new foods or activities you've never tried before? Do you
have an education and a career, or are you trying to set things
up to live off me? Can you carry on an intelligent conversation
on a variety of topics? Is asking for these things in a mate
unrealistic or something? Why do so many women think all they
have to do is show up and look sexy in some half naked outfit?
Am I supposed to be happy with just that as hard as I've worked
to get where I am? Sorry, that's not enough."
#7 - SLOW DOWN, GIVE THE RELATIONSHIP TIME TO GROW. Joe, a 29
year old entrepreneur, says it best. "I'm interested in marriage
when I meet the right woman. But I need time to be sure she is
really the one for me. I'd like to date about two years before I
start thinking about marriage. But too many women want to speed
ahead and lock things down. I don't understand why they push for
a commitment before they really know anything about the man they
are committing to! These women don't know me from Adam but they
are asking me within a week or two 'where is this going?"
Added Charles, a 56 year old divorced father of four: "Dating
is a game of building futures. Because it's a game of building
futures, it's a game with real and possibly serious emotional,
physical and financial consequences for both parties. I tell my
nieces and daughters all the time: 'what you do and the
decisions you make now will form the foundation for the
relationships you'll have in the future.' Select your men with
care."
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
To sum things up: (1) know exactly what you want in a man and a
relationship; (2) stay focused on what you want and don't settle
for less… kissing warted green frogs won't turn them into
Princes; (3) give the relationship time to develop and grow
without pressuring him as you assess who he is; (4) be sensitive
to that fact that he is bigger and stronger that you, but needs
support, encouragement and nurturing just as you do; and (5)
commit only to men that possess a solid character, strong values
and morals, and a personality that meshes well with your own.
If you see that your behavior is more in line with those deemed
undesirable by men, get busy making immediate changes. Then do
all you can to present yourself as the woman that makes your
chosen one's life joyful and exciting.
Once a man feels his life is enriched by having you around, the
passionate, committed romance you seek with Mr. Right will be
yours.
About The Author: Deborrah Cooper writes an advice column on
http://www.askheartbeat.com. Her hilarious dating guide "Sucka
Free Love!" provides street-smart guidance on protecting
yourself from losers and suckas! She also hosts a relationship
talk show Wed. at 8:00 pm (PST) on
http://BlogTalkRadio.Com
