Accepting Responsibility is Powerful!
Author: Ainsley Laing


Accepting Responsibility is Powerful!
Food for Thought:  We are powerless to change behaviors we
don't take responsibility for.  When we shift blame or make
excuses we give away our personal power – the power to make
a difference.

It's very important for self growth to be open to
suggestion, criticism and change.  This is a given.
Getting to the point of seeking change requires that we
first accept that we and we alone are responsible for our
own situation.  We are where we are now in our lives
because of our past and present behavior.

Psychologists tell us that people who don't take personal
responsibility for their behavior run the risk of being:

1. Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval,
affirmation, and acceptance.
2. Chronically hostile, angry, or depressed over how
unfairly you have been or are being treated.
3. Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
4. Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.
Unsuccessful in personal relationships.
5. Emotionally or physically unhealthy.
6. Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of
alcohol, drugs, food, or unhealthy behavior such as
excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.
7. Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue
and enable others in your life.
8. Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others.
9. Resistant to vulnerability.
(www.coping.org/growth/accept.htm )

In other words, blaming others or our personal situation
for our choices and behaviors leads to all kinds of
problems!

Have you heard marriage and relationship counselors say to
"behave like you are in love with your spouse and you will
be"?  Sounds crazy doesn't it?  But, think about the
opposite.  When someone behaves as if they don't like you,
it's pretty easy to associate negative feelings with this
person. What do you do?  Decide you don't like them?  Avoid
them? Positive behaviors generate positive feelings.
Negative generates negative.

For example: John and Jane Anyman have been married for 15
years and have a small child.  They are both 40 years old
and have good careers. Their relationship is good, but
having a child adds some conflict.  John, however, decides
that he isn't happy in his life and begins to behave like
he doesn't have a family.  He has an affair.

What happens next is predictable.  He decides that his
marriage was never good and that he is in love with his
affair partner.  He blames his marriage and Jane for his
choices and behaviors. If his happiness means lying,
cheating and neglecting his loved ones… he feels entitled
to do this. Although Jane doesn't know about the affair,
she does feel John's behavior is resentful, angry, selfish
and overly critical towards her and their child.

Eventually, John tells Jane about the affair and
apologizes.  He says that he still wants to be with her BUT
doesn't change his behavior.  He continues to stay away
from home and lie to Jane.

What do you think Jane does?  What would you do if you were
Jane?  Tough question!  Jane eventually divorces John.
Why?  By shifting the blame to "a bad marriage" and "Jane"
as the reason for his behavior; John let Jane know that he
felt entitled rather than responsible.  Worse, John's
hurtful BEHAVIOR shows her his true feelings much more than
his words.  In modern society, behavior is more important
than motive or feelings.  For example, does it really
matter that the businessman who gives large amounts of
money to charity is motivated by publicity rather than just
doing a good deed?  Is it important that a Nobel Prize is
the true motive for the scientist who discovers a vaccine
for malaria? The end result is the same.   People have been
helped.  The world is better off. The scientist and
businessman feel good about their success and contribution.

Now let's apply this idea to smaller issues.  Do you know
someone who cannot be depended on to help when needed?
Whenever asked, there's a series of boring excuses about
why they "can't" do the favor.  It's easy to see that they
are CHOOSING not to do it for you, isn't it?  How does it
make you feel? Their behavior, not their words, is showing
their true intentions towards you.

As a fitness instructor, I use this idea a lot to get a
feel for how serious a client is.  Someone who has decided
to take responsibility for identifying and changing habits
that are deleterious to their health and well-being don't
make excessive excuses.  They accept that past behavior
hasn't worked and are willing to learn new behaviors that
will lead to success.

Even though we teach our kids these lessons, true growth
and success at any age requires a person to:

Take responsibility for their behavior.   Admit mistakes,
without blaming other people or situations.   Change the
behavior until they are successful.

This success brings positive feelings, self esteem, self
respect ... and PERSONAL POWER!


About the Author:

About the Author:
Ainsley Laing, MSc. has been a Fitness Trainer for 25 years
and writes exclusively Body for Mind eZine. She holds
certifications in Group Exercise, Sports Nutrition and
Personal Fitness Training. To see more articles by Ainsley
visit http://www.bodyformind.com or the blog at
http://www.bodyformind.blogspot.com