The Three R's - How To Handle A Tantrum
Author: Maureen Arnold

Tantrums - the bane of the parenting world - need not be quite
as feared as they have been in the past. Why? Parenting in the
last several years has undergone a quiet revolution, a
revolution that, while evincing a truly valuable outcome, has
gone largely unnoticed in the general population.

What is the gist of the parenting revolution? Understanding.
Understanding what makes our children tick, what makes them act
and behave the way they do, which in turn leads to more
effective parenting skills and tools for the rest of us.

One of the blocks in this revolutionary foundation of
understanding is the 3 R's of tantrum control. The 3 R's are
Reiteration, Request and Repetition. How exactly does this
work? It's actually VERY simple, and will dramatically change
your toddler's response to stressful situations.

So let's jump right into a typical meltdown. Two year old
Johnny wants an ice-cream sandwich at 9 am, and he has not even
eaten his breakfast yet. Mommy says no. Johnny immediately
flings himself to the floor in frustration and proceeds to cry
and scream that he wants ice-cream while Mommy stands there
staring in resignation at the crumpled little ball of emotion
on the kitchen floor.

Sound familiar? I thought so. Let's change the scenario a
little bit. Two year old Johnny still wants ice-cream for
breakfast. Mommy knows Johnny cannot have ice-cream for
breakfast, but instead of saying no, Mommy remembers the three
R's of tantrum control, because she knows what is coming when
she says no. Instead, Mommy says to Johnny, "You want ice-cream
for breakfast?" Johnny says "Ice cream!" Mommy says, "You want
ice-cream for BREAKFAST?" This will continue until she knows
that Johnny knows that she understands what he wants. This is
Reiteration. This is repeating the "order" that your child has
given you until you are sure that they get that YOU get it.

Next, Mommy moves on to the second R - Request. This is where
Mommy puts in HER request, now that Johnny knows she
understands him. Mommy says to Johnny, "I understand that you
want ice-cream for breakfast, but you need to eat a banana
instead." At this point, Johnny is much more likely to
acquiesce to Mommy's request because he knows that Mommy
understands what he wants.

At first, Mommy may need to revert back to step one a few times
(Repetition), as well, to get through to Johnny that she
understands. Toddlers can be pretty thick, especially when they
are frustrated, which is the ultimate emotion behind a tantrum.
It may take several repetitions before your toddler understands
that you GET IT, and that they are being heard.

The key to the three R's is making sure your frustrated little
guy or gal understands that you ARE hearing their request.
Another great way to head off tantrums during the day is to
make a few requests of your toddler that they can say no or yes
to and win no matter what the answer is - that way they feel
like they get what they want many times anyway. A little
understanding and help from the parents can go a long way
toward making your toddler feel valued and heard in his world
of giants.

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