Alternatives to gangs
Author: Mike Scantlebury


Alternatives to gangs
Many nice, law-abiding parents are scared to death that
their teenage children have become involved with drugs.
They worry when the kids lock themselves in their bedrooms.
They imagine that the youngsters are smoking dope, or
injecting something. Then they turn to each other and
wonder where they went wrong. Why are we such awful
parents, they ask themselves.

The answer, of course, is No, they didn't do such a bad
job. But the answer also - if you want to start looking for
it - is not in the house at all. It's actually where the
young people spend most of their time, in school, on street
corners, and generally hanging around with their friends.
The drug taking, along with all the other bad habits our
children pick up along the road to maturity, comes from
their so-called 'friends'. In middle-class areas they might
be called 'peer groups' but in other less fortunate
locations, they're easier to see, they're called 'gangs'.
Those are the teenagers hanging around on street corners.
The reason might be, to be prosaic, that they don't live in
such fortunate conditions and don't have their own rooms,
to lounge in and entertain. They probably share bedrooms
with siblings and worse, share accommodation with parent or
parents who don't want them around and tell them to 'get
out'. They roam the streets, along with people of similar
age who share similar backgrounds and outlooks. They also
share adventures and activities, whether it's drugs, sex,
petty crime, or stealing cars. It's all part of belonging.

If a 'deprived' child has a wastrel for a parent and no
usefully employed role model to copy, then it might be
understandable that they fall in with the 'bad crowd' and
start spending time on unproductive activities, even if
they're illegal. The ray of hope in all this is that there
are actually two ways that everybody makes friends, and
most people, once they realise that, have a choice of which
route they follow.

The first is that you 'fall in' with whoever is around.
That might be the people that you go to high school with,
or neighbours, other youngsters in your street and
neighbourhood. In all poor areas, these individuals are the
same, since local kids go to local schools, (not like in
posher areas, where parents choose a school that challenges
the brains of their offspring and might be a distance
away). Again, in poor areas, the meeting place is the
street corner, (as opposed to friends' houses, garages,
gardens or yards, which is often the case in more affluent
areas, where parents can be welcoming to children's
friends, offer them hospitality – and keep an interested
eye on them, as opposed to 'Don't care' from less able
parents). Then, associating with this local collection,
each young person picks up the interests of the group,
which usually tends to the lowest common denominator –
vandalism, nuisance, drugs, crime, hip hop music or
'gangsta' culture.

There's an alternative, and it's found in Success Theory.
There, advisors have realised for years that the one group
of people that are liable to stop you from attaining wealth
and influence are your friends. Of course, it's only
because they want the best for you. They don't want you to
waste your time, energy and money on high-flying, unsafe
and unpredictable schemes. Finally, and most important,
they don't want to lose you. But they will. If you find
'success', of any sort, the first casualty is the circle of
people you know. You move on, you may move up, and now
you're associating with a different class of person. Turn
that on its head – if you want to change, start associating
with those other people NOW. Your circumstances will then
change to meet the challenge, and to help you fit in.

In other words, don't choose your friends and adopt their
interests. Instead, choose your interests and meet with
people who share that: they will become your friends. It
doesn't matter whether that's stamp collecting or making
money, the same rule applies. And, incidentally, it's why
some young people, having chosen to join the school band
and play the flute or trumpet; or take up basketball; or
box; or (in the case of Tiger Woods) play golf, suddenly
find that they have no time to waste on street corner
pettiness. They're too busy. Lots of young people have
found a road out of the projects over the years and it's
usually been signposted by an all-embracing interest.
Suddenly they get a vision, an idea, a dream, and they're
off, up and away. It means they aren't in their rooms
smoking dope, they're down at the Library, reading. Or they
aren't on the street corner, they're in the gym or on the
track. They aren't stealing things, they're making them, or
making music, or learning.

The message for parents is clear. If you want your kids to
stay away from gang culture, you have to find what they're
interested in and back them, support them, encourage them,
and stay with them, as they pursue that. The only
difficulty, as always, is that it might not be something
you like – how many dads could live with a son who didn't
want to play football but was interested in ballet? Think
about it. You have to find something that THEY want, not
what you want for them. In the end, the only way you're
going to find out what that is is to listen to them. You're
going to have to talk to them, and not AT them. Why not?
Lecturing didn't work, did it? Shouting at them didn't
work, did it? No, listening, hearing, and responding,
that's the formula. You might not like what you hear, but
if you can get them talking, really talking, then they
might tell you something that will be their salvation,
their road to success, their ticket out of menial and
meaningless work. If that seems sensible, give it a try.


About the Author:

Mike Scantlebury is an Internet Author, with books,
articles and educational material to his credit. He can now
be found living in Manchester, England, famous for soccer
and gang culture. Find out what he's found out and hear
what he has learned at YouTube, Lulu, or Facebook, or try
one of his many web sites. Sample
http://www.mikescantlebury.biz