Am I Being Used?
Kathy Stafford, All Rights Reserved
Kathy Stafford, All Rights Reserved
Dear Kathy
http://www.dearkathy.com
If you're in a relationship with a man and you find yourself
wondering if you're being used, take a step back to evaluate the
situation and what's going on in your life. After all, just
having this question on your mind is an indication that
something is not quite right with your relationship. All of us
have "gut feelings," and when our emotions tell us something's
going on that's not right, we should follow through on that and
find out where we can go from there.
You might be tempted to push the thought away when it first
comes. You might find yourself thinking that you're being
disloyal to him and to the relationship. Don't think that way.
Instead, give yourself a chance to examine everything carefully.
You may discover that after careful examination you've managed
to prove that he's not using you after all.
How does your partner act with you? When the two of you are in
public, are you a part of his circle or does he sort of move you
off to the side and circulate on his own? When the two of you are
out with his friends, are you considered a part of the crowd and
accepted, or do you feel more like an outsider? Keep in mind,
though, that if his circle is nothing but guys, it's natural
that you'd be kept out of the loop. Guys like to be themselves
around other guys, and putting a girl into the mix can just make
things a little tense. It's okay for him to want to hang out
with the guys sometimes.
What are you bringing to the relationship? Are you the one who
has the apartment or the car or who is paying most of the bills?
What's he bringing to the table? This is where you have to strip
away how you're feeling and be brutally honest with yourself.
Imagine you're looking at the situation from the outside in an
objective manner and decide if you're doing all of the work in
this relationship and if he's just along for the ride.
A relationship is a partnership. It's about two people working
together and who want to be together. Take a long hard look at
where the two of you are. Are you putting forth a huge effort,
while he sits on the couch and watches television? Do you feel as
if you're the love of his life when you're with him, or do you
find yourself more in the role of caretaker?
You need to figure out if he's committed to you because he
desperately wants you and needs you in his life, or if you're
just there because it's convenient. If you're there because
you're taking care of him, you may want to rethink the
relationship. Do you want a partner that you have to take care of
or do you want an equal partner who contributes equally to the
relationship? At some point, someone else might come along who he
knows will take care of him, and he might decide to move on.
If you feel like the relationship you're doing all the work, you
might want to let things cool down. He may chip in and do more to
try to make the relationship work. If he does, that's great. And
if he doesn't, don't sweat it. Freeing yourself from this
relationship will only make you more available to find the right
man who'll appreciate having you in his life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Kathy Stafford, Relationship Coach, "I show singles how to get
married and couples how to STAY married" Do you want more from
your relationship? Go to http://www.dearkathy.com for
relationship articles, advice, and programs.
Get Kathy's new book, "Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make
When Shopping for a Man." and learn the right way to find a
loving and committed life-partner. Order the book at
http://www.relationshipremorse.com
Copyright © 2007 Kathy Stafford / dearkathy.com . All rights reserved.
http://www.dearkathy.com
If you're in a relationship with a man and you find yourself
wondering if you're being used, take a step back to evaluate the
situation and what's going on in your life. After all, just
having this question on your mind is an indication that
something is not quite right with your relationship. All of us
have "gut feelings," and when our emotions tell us something's
going on that's not right, we should follow through on that and
find out where we can go from there.
You might be tempted to push the thought away when it first
comes. You might find yourself thinking that you're being
disloyal to him and to the relationship. Don't think that way.
Instead, give yourself a chance to examine everything carefully.
You may discover that after careful examination you've managed
to prove that he's not using you after all.
How does your partner act with you? When the two of you are in
public, are you a part of his circle or does he sort of move you
off to the side and circulate on his own? When the two of you are
out with his friends, are you considered a part of the crowd and
accepted, or do you feel more like an outsider? Keep in mind,
though, that if his circle is nothing but guys, it's natural
that you'd be kept out of the loop. Guys like to be themselves
around other guys, and putting a girl into the mix can just make
things a little tense. It's okay for him to want to hang out
with the guys sometimes.
What are you bringing to the relationship? Are you the one who
has the apartment or the car or who is paying most of the bills?
What's he bringing to the table? This is where you have to strip
away how you're feeling and be brutally honest with yourself.
Imagine you're looking at the situation from the outside in an
objective manner and decide if you're doing all of the work in
this relationship and if he's just along for the ride.
A relationship is a partnership. It's about two people working
together and who want to be together. Take a long hard look at
where the two of you are. Are you putting forth a huge effort,
while he sits on the couch and watches television? Do you feel as
if you're the love of his life when you're with him, or do you
find yourself more in the role of caretaker?
You need to figure out if he's committed to you because he
desperately wants you and needs you in his life, or if you're
just there because it's convenient. If you're there because
you're taking care of him, you may want to rethink the
relationship. Do you want a partner that you have to take care of
or do you want an equal partner who contributes equally to the
relationship? At some point, someone else might come along who he
knows will take care of him, and he might decide to move on.
If you feel like the relationship you're doing all the work, you
might want to let things cool down. He may chip in and do more to
try to make the relationship work. If he does, that's great. And
if he doesn't, don't sweat it. Freeing yourself from this
relationship will only make you more available to find the right
man who'll appreciate having you in his life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Kathy Stafford, Relationship Coach, "I show singles how to get
married and couples how to STAY married" Do you want more from
your relationship? Go to http://www.dearkathy.com for
relationship articles, advice, and programs.
Get Kathy's new book, "Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make
When Shopping for a Man." and learn the right way to find a
loving and committed life-partner. Order the book at
http://www.relationshipremorse.com
Copyright © 2007 Kathy Stafford / dearkathy.com . All rights reserved.
