You Can Improve Your Relationship
Author: Kim Olver

It seems as if creating successful relationships with our
significant others and parenting children are two of the most
difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in
either. It's as if people believe that we are born with an
inherent ability to do these two things. Yet, look around us.
In the US, the divorce rate is slightly over 50%! I don't know
anywhere but baseball where a 50% average is a good thing.

Couples go through life getting along when times are good; and
fighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things get
tough. Most people believe that to seek help with their
relationships means to admit a certain kind of defeat that says
something about who they are as a person. Or possibly, they
believe that relationships are something we are just supposed
to be able to manage on our own. Or, finally, some people
believe that those out there helping couples can't know any
more than they do. After all, what's to know about keeping
relationships together?

Well, the truth is that there is a whole lot to learn when it
comes to relationships. Unfortunately, the only training most
of us ever receive is the passive learning we get through the
modeling of the adults who live in our house with us and the
media. Now, I don't know about you, but my parents had only
received the informal training they got from their parents, and
they from my great grandparents and so on back through the
generations. There is so much more to know about relationships
than that!

Also, my parents have helped support that 50% statistic cited
earlier in that they divorced sometime around their 25th
wedding anniversary. What I learned about relationships from
watching them is that couples never argue, especially in front
of the children. On the surface, my parents had a very happy
marriage but my father experienced a stereotypical mid-life
crisis and suddenly questioned the meaning of "life" and
decided marriage was holding him back somehow.

In some ways, this type of training may have been as bad as
those who have parents who argue all the time. Disagreements
are a natural by-product of relationships. It is virtually
impossible for two people to come together and create a life
without some of their ideals, values, opinions or day-to-day
activities coming into conflict with each other. The question
becomes how the couple manages this conflict.

There are many things to consider when speaking about couples
and their challenges and areas for growth and development. The
first is compatibility. I know there is an expression that says
opposites attract and I believe there is some accuracy in that
statement when you think of attraction as that chemical
interaction that occurs when two people meet and are attracted.
This chemical attraction doesn't care what the other person's
values are, what is important to him or her, the personality
characteristics involved, or what either of you likes to do in
your spare time. Compatibility is a key for a successful,
healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and
take the free Assessment to determine your compatibility with
your partner.

A second consideration is simply that there are major
differences in how men are in relationships compared to how
women are. Women generally don't understand men because the men
don't act like women and similarly, men don't understand women
because they don't act like men. And since a woman has never
been a man and a man has never been a woman, how does each
learn about these important differences? John Gray researched
and wrote about these issues in his book, Men are from Mars;
Women are from Venus. But I would say that the majority of
people in relationships don't take the time to learn about
these gender differences. It is easier to point a finger and
blame the other person for his or her "irrational" behavior.

As mentioned earlier, a third area of growth is learning how to
manage conflict. There are time proven methods for resolving
conflict that we don't learn in school or from a book. There
are ways to actually hear each other in relationships. By
placing the relationship FIRST in importance, these methods can
be implemented by couples to greatly improve their satisfaction.


There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that
your parents never showed you. Please don't become one of the
statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable
relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many
regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways
to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare
yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next
person in your life. Contact Kim at 708-957-6047 or email at
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz about relationship coaching or
take one the many Teleclasses scheduled on the Events Calendar
at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz. Don't wait until it is too
late.


About The Author: Kim Olver has a degree in counseling, is a
certified and licensed counselor. She is a certified reality
therapy instructor. Kim is an expert in relationship, parenting
and personal empowerment, working with individuals who want to
gain more effective control of their lives and relationships.
http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz/FreeTeleclass.htm