The Temptation Of The Critical Voice
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Each of us has an inner critic. There is no way to grow up in
our society without having developed this inner critical voice
– which comes from parents, teachers, peers, the media, and
from our own conclusions.
The problem is that this inner critic sounds like a voice of
authority when in reality it doesn't know what it is talking
about. It is a voice based on beliefs that have been handed
down through generations but that have no basis in fact.
How often has this voice said to you:
"You can't do it. You are inadequate."
"You are stupid and ugly."
"If he (or she) rejects you, it is because you are not okay."
"You had better do it right. If you don't, everyone will know
that you are a fraud."
"It is NOT okay to make a mistake."
…and so on.
This inner critic speaks with such authority that it is
tempting to believe what it says. Yet is knows only lies. It
knows nothing of who you really are.
When this voice is criticizing you, it is criticizing the "you"
that it thinks you are – your ego wounded self. The critic,
having come into being to help you survive and protect you from
rejection, long ago decided that who you really are is not good
enough. When you experienced judgment or rejection from the
important people in your life, you likely concluded that you
were being rejected because you weren't good enough or lovable
enough or worthy enough or smart enough or attractive
enough…and so on. You may have had no idea when you were being
judged or rejected, rather than loved and accepted, that it
actually had nothing to do with you. You probably had no idea
that you cannot CAUSE another person to be judgmental or
rejecting, or loving and accepting. You likely had no idea that
others' behavior is not under your control.
If you believed that you were causing others to judge or reject
you, you may have decided that who you really are is not good
enough. So you started to judge and reject yourself as you
attempted to create a "self" that would be loved and accepted.
The inner critic – your ego wounded self – is the self you
created. You came to believe that if you judged yourself
enough, you would make yourself into an acceptable person.
The problem is that none of this is true. There never was
anything wrong with your true Self, your essence, your soul. It
was, and is, a perfect expression of the Source from which we
are all a part.
When your wounded self is criticizing you, it is criticizing
your looks, your intelligence, or your performance. But none of
this is who you are.
Who you are – what is truly worthy, lovable and valuable about
you – is your ability to love. Not how you look, not how smart
you are, not how much money you have or how big your house is.
Your true Self is an individualized expression of God (or
whatever you want to call our Source), and God is Love.
Next time you hear the authoritative voice of your inner
critic, instead of giving that voice credence, stop listening
to that voice. Treat that voice with compassion, like a child
who acts like it knows everything. Instead of acting on that
voice, open instead to the voice of your true Self – the voice
of Truth.
Do this simply by asking, with a deep desire to learn, "What is
the truth?" Your Higher Self will answer you. This Self is the
true voice of authority, even though it may be much softer and
gentler than the loud voice of your inner critic.
Each time you hear the critical voice, ask your Higher Self
"What is the truth?" If you take action based on the Truth
rather than on the false beliefs of your inner critic, you will
find yourself feeling so much better in so many ways!
About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto: margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
our society without having developed this inner critical voice
– which comes from parents, teachers, peers, the media, and
from our own conclusions.
The problem is that this inner critic sounds like a voice of
authority when in reality it doesn't know what it is talking
about. It is a voice based on beliefs that have been handed
down through generations but that have no basis in fact.
How often has this voice said to you:
"You can't do it. You are inadequate."
"You are stupid and ugly."
"If he (or she) rejects you, it is because you are not okay."
"You had better do it right. If you don't, everyone will know
that you are a fraud."
"It is NOT okay to make a mistake."
…and so on.
This inner critic speaks with such authority that it is
tempting to believe what it says. Yet is knows only lies. It
knows nothing of who you really are.
When this voice is criticizing you, it is criticizing the "you"
that it thinks you are – your ego wounded self. The critic,
having come into being to help you survive and protect you from
rejection, long ago decided that who you really are is not good
enough. When you experienced judgment or rejection from the
important people in your life, you likely concluded that you
were being rejected because you weren't good enough or lovable
enough or worthy enough or smart enough or attractive
enough…and so on. You may have had no idea when you were being
judged or rejected, rather than loved and accepted, that it
actually had nothing to do with you. You probably had no idea
that you cannot CAUSE another person to be judgmental or
rejecting, or loving and accepting. You likely had no idea that
others' behavior is not under your control.
If you believed that you were causing others to judge or reject
you, you may have decided that who you really are is not good
enough. So you started to judge and reject yourself as you
attempted to create a "self" that would be loved and accepted.
The inner critic – your ego wounded self – is the self you
created. You came to believe that if you judged yourself
enough, you would make yourself into an acceptable person.
The problem is that none of this is true. There never was
anything wrong with your true Self, your essence, your soul. It
was, and is, a perfect expression of the Source from which we
are all a part.
When your wounded self is criticizing you, it is criticizing
your looks, your intelligence, or your performance. But none of
this is who you are.
Who you are – what is truly worthy, lovable and valuable about
you – is your ability to love. Not how you look, not how smart
you are, not how much money you have or how big your house is.
Your true Self is an individualized expression of God (or
whatever you want to call our Source), and God is Love.
Next time you hear the authoritative voice of your inner
critic, instead of giving that voice credence, stop listening
to that voice. Treat that voice with compassion, like a child
who acts like it knows everything. Instead of acting on that
voice, open instead to the voice of your true Self – the voice
of Truth.
Do this simply by asking, with a deep desire to learn, "What is
the truth?" Your Higher Self will answer you. This Self is the
true voice of authority, even though it may be much softer and
gentler than the loud voice of your inner critic.
Each time you hear the critical voice, ask your Higher Self
"What is the truth?" If you take action based on the Truth
rather than on the false beliefs of your inner critic, you will
find yourself feeling so much better in so many ways!
About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto: margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
