Dealing With the Problem of Jealousy
Author: Robert Elias Najemy

Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever
leave the house without him. He is afraid that some man
might approach her, and he cannot stand the idea of another
man even looking at her. Although she has given him no
concrete reason to fear, for some reason, he does not trust
her. He feels intense fear, self-rejection and anger.

His sense of self-worth as a man is highly associated with
his being only man whom Efi could possible care for. When
asked why he fears this so much and gives so much attention
to this possibility when he has never seen Efi flirting or
paying attention to any other man, he cannot answer. He
does not know why, but he totally loses control,
intimidates and even threatens physical violence when Efi
goes out of the house for a reason other than shopping.

Ironically, Bill's eyes tend to follow attractive women
whenever they pass. His mind is very focused on women.
Perhaps this is because his mother gave him very little
attention, or perhaps she never breast fed him, or she
herself had a tendency to flirt, something which demeaned
his father and made Bill feel ashamed.  He may have, at
that time, made a vow never to be demeaned like his
father.

Efi, on the other hand, comes from a family that allowed
very little freedom. She was free to go on her first date
only after the age of eighteen. Now with Bill's problem,
she is experiencing the same restrictions and clashes she'd
had with her parents. She is living a personal reoccurring
nightmare.

At first she tried to avoid conflicts by not going out at
all, but she nearly went crazy. She tried to plead and
reason with Bill, but the subject was a source of great
pain and anger for him and he inevitably ended up
threatening her.

Efi is not interested in other men, but she cannot stand
this suppression and distrust. She begins to go out ever
more often and their conflicts have become more frequent
and intense.

What can they do to get out of this vicious circle?
What do they need to learn to solve this problem?

Bill:

Does he need to work on his childhood years and get free of
that image of his mother flirting?

Does he need to let go of his self-doubt?

Is his lesson to feel his self-respect and self-worth as a
man independent of what his wife does?

Does he need to learn to care more about Efi and her needs?


Does he need to learn to trust her more?

Does he need to communicate differently, expressing his
needs and fears and not his anger and threats?

Perhaps he needs to become more self-sufficient.

Efi:

Is her lesson to understand Bill and help him feel safe?

Is it to go out anyway and let him deal with his emotions?


Does she need to overcome her programming from her
childhood years so she can feel her right to be independent
and also free herself from fear of conflict?

Does she need to respect his needs more and feel her
freedom while helping her loved one?

Does she need to respect her own needs more?

Does she need to find a different way of communicating with
him?

Does she need to overcome guilt?

Both need to work on their childhood programmings.

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30
years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and
now does so over the Internet.
Over 600 free articles, lectures, relaxation and positive
projection as mp3 audio. Become a life coach.
At http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/