Less Talk, More Action!
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

It is time for less talk and more action - loving action.

Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good
and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those
actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear.

Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual
growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends
about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists
about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a mate about
what needs changing. They have explored and explored and talked
and talked - and not much has changed.

Exploring our limiting beliefs and where we got them is
essential for opening the door to loving action, but taking
loving action is the secret to joy. We can talk and talk and
learn and learn, but until we are willing to take loving
action, nothing will change. It is not that it is time to stop
learning about our fears and beliefs, but it is time for all
this learning to result in loving action.

WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE ACTIONS YOU TAKE?

We are always taking action, yet much of the time the actions
we take are not loving, in that they do not support our own and
others' highest good.

All of our actions are being motivated by one of two
intentions:

The intention to have control over getting love and avoiding
pain. The intention to control is motivated by fear and the
desire to protect against that which we fear.

The intention to learn about what is most loving to ourselves
and others. This intention is motivated by love and the desire
to become the most loving person we can be.

When our actions are being motivated by fear and our intent is
to control, our wounded self is in charge.

When our actions are being motivated by love - both for
ourselves and others - our loving Adult is in charge.

THE WOUNDED SELF

The wounded self is who we are when our primary intention is to
have control over getting love and avoiding pain. Other common
terms for the wounded self are the false self and the ego.

Our wounded self, coming from old fears and limiting beliefs,
tries to feel safe through attempting to control our own
painful feelings, as well as control others' feelings and
behavior and the outcome of things.

We are operating as our wounded self when we are listening to
and taking action based on the programmed lies of our mind –
lies such as:

* I'm not good enough.

* I will always end up alone.

* There is something essentially wrong with me.

* When others are angry or withdrawn, it is my fault.

* I am responsible for others' feelings.

* Others are responsible for my feelings.

These are just a few of the hundreds of lies that we absorbed
as we were growing up. When we listen to and take action based
these false beliefs, our actions are controlling rather than
loving. Controlling actions lead to anxiety, depression,
stress, anger, and many other painful feelings. We get caught
in a vicious circle of creating our pain with our unloving,
controlling actions, then choosing more controlling actions in
our attempt to stop the pain that we have created with our
controlling actions. Whew!

For example, if you lash out at someone with blaming anger in
an attempt to control him or her, you may end up feeling
anxious and lonely. You may then try to control your feelings
of anxiety and loneliness by overeating or eating junk. This
may result in feeling physically bad as well as in weight gain.
Then you may feel anxious and depressed over the weight gain,
which may generate fears of rejection. You may then attempt to
cover over your fears of rejection by being overly nice in your
attempt to control how someone feels about you. When that person
does not respond in a loving way to you, you may then feel hurt
and lash out in anger and blame in your attempt to have control
over the other person as well as over your own hurt. Now you are
right back where you started – a vicious circle of pain and
controlling behavior.

THE LOVING ADULT

In order to take loving action, your loving Adult needs to be
in charge of your choices. Your loving Adult is who you are
when you are coming from a deep desire to be a loving person
and you are open to learning about what is most loving to
yourself and others. When you are truly open to learning, you
will naturally be connected with a higher source of guidance –
i.e. when you ask "What is the most loving action in this
moment?" helpful answers will pop into your mind. Once you
receive the answer in a particular situation, the loving Adult
then takes the loving action.

It is time to open to learning about loving action and then
take the loving action. Less talk, more action!


About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.