The Divine Abyss
By Sheree Rainbolt-Kren


Marianne Williamson, a favorite spiritual teacher, once said
in one of her jazzy lectures, "When you honestly give your
life over to Spirit, all shit hits the fan." There was a
giant roar of applause from the audience. It was stunning to
see this petite Ordained Minister speak of such things in a
NYC church. "Cool!"  As she continued to elaborate on that
idea, I became a wee jittery about her theory. What does
that really mean, uh, spiritually, or whatever? I don't want
that I don't think.

If I knew then what I know now, I may have stumbled
across all the packed woolly knees in my aisle and hailed
the first cab to a Studio 54 for a George Michael night.
But, lucky for me, I thought she was just making a funny. I
glanced at the refreshment table and wondered if there would
be enough for everyone.

Several years and 20 tattered fans later, I am here to tell
you that she wasn't just making a funny. She was warning us
from her *been there, done it* core,  with a sweet little
wisecracker giggle.

Meaningful spiritual growth, when it happens, comes with a
little bit of "Ahhhh," and a whole lot of "Accck!". Did you
know that? Somehow, the math of that meets up enough to make
it worthwhile. Don't ask me how that happens yet.

Marianne was the first to teach me that when the big
transitions unfold, at just the right time I might add,
there are significant internal quakes. A shaking up. What
must be healed within us will rise to the surface of our
awareness and present itself for fresh perspectives, so we
can choose Love and forgiveness, then take the next rung.
All the players will come onto the scene, in full costume,
and the stage will be set. Like a play for which you get to
write the script.

So, I was willing to vibe with the quake thing if it didn't
conflict with my fave show,Friends. I knew I had some *issues*
to work through, and I knew it was time for a shake up. A few
days of emotional discomfort for my Awakening sounded doable.
I set my sights high. I remember shouting out loud, "Bring It
On Baby!"

That was a Monday.

Then came the third day. The day when time stood still. The
devastation was everywhere. No sign of life. I had succeeded
in clearing the entire field of all family and friends. The
Mother of all *A* Bombs. Well, galldarnit, how'd THAT happen?
Marianne told me to speak my truth for crying out loud. "Accck!"
I see dead people.

That was a dark night of the soul for me and my fan warped
into overdrive at Mach 40. What a mess! But, I did like
Marianne taught, and turned to spirit in surrender. Whew!
That was too close for comfort.  A while later, after some
fairly heavy introspection, I could breathe a little easier
and see a little clearer. The pain lifted. The confusion
lifted. I stopped crying. The sun came out. "Ahhhh."

Things slowly improved. I understood things I didn't
understand before. Then, one day while I was planting
flowers, I felt funny. At first, I thought it could be the
whiff of poppies. Then it hit me. I began to sob.  "Oh My! I
have Awakened! Yes, I definitely have! Yipeee. I did it!
Goodness it feels good to Awaken. Yep. I am feeling much
much better now. Thank you God. I stood up, brushed myself
off, and asked, "Now, what high and mighty calling have you
got in mind for me?"

I started saying nicer things, walking at a slower pace,
smelling roses on purpose, and cursing only
during the Superbowl. "So this is what an Awakening is all
about?" That wasn't so hard. What's all the fuss about.
Geeesh. People need to stop whining." Life went on for a
year or so. Of course, there were issues along the way, but
I was committed to Love and Light. I loved all the workshop
tapes and books. I was quite happy with how far I had come.
What a good girl am I.

Then, came growth spurt #2. "Accck!"  Where did THOSE
thought forms come from? Heavens to Pete!"  Did I really
think that/say that/do that? Yikes. Thought I had me under
control. Aren't we supposed to be done with THAT STUFF after
the first initial shake up? Thought it was supposed to be
like a trip to Niagra. Once you go, you don't need to go
again. But, I soon learned that Niagra is a big ass
waterfall and there are many different tours.

Wounds opening far and wide like that Dune movie, only
without the overdone horse make-up. I recall Marianne
teaching something about *button pushing*. And how our
button needs to be made of stone or something. She said we
subconsciously invite players who will come into our life just
so that they can come over to us and push our hot buttons.
If you have only one- they will push it and wait for your
fun reaction. If you have five, they will push one and then
act nice, and maybe buy you a tall Vanilla Latte a little
later.  Then, they will wait for you to go to sleep and
sneak in your room and push the others while you are
dreaming about puppies, so you will wake up hating
puppies. Evil huh?  Actually, now that I think about it,
that wasn't Marianne, that was an episode of CSI.
Nevermind.

After a little while, and some prayer time, and some real
effort to allow people to have their own stupid opinions, I
felt a shift in my skull. Felt like someone was running the
vacuum. "Go ahead and have your way with me." I thought to
myself. I want to awaken. I want to awaken. I want to awaken.
Lousie Hay wrote somewhere that repeating the same spiritual
phrase over and over will elevate my consciousness to the
level of thought where that would actually be true. Whatever.
I'll try anything. I felt a calm come over me. Life started to look
different, and I found myself singing Karen Carpenter songs
on key.  "Ahhhh."

Then, a year later came #4. The jig was SO up. There is no
end is there? Holy smokes, this is the Abyss! "Accck!" Make it
Stop! I am NOT supposed to be here at this point. I am
already enlightened. I did my shake up AND down! I have
been baking unconditional cookies for others FOR CRYING OUT
LOUD! I prayed and prayed and listened and listened. I had
some deep thoughts about who I really am, and why I'm really
here. I had many profound insights about how I acted towards
others, and how much I now resonate with Enya. A few
days later it stopped. The pain stopped. I saw the pattern
suddenly. The pain would start, and then it would stop.
Start. Stop. Start. Stop. I started seeing pastel butterflies
in every face and I let the dog eat off my plate. "Ahhhh."
In fact a deeper "Ahhhh."

Surely, this is it! This is it right? Ok then, good. I have
done well. I am even more awakened and maybe even more
enlightened. I have forgiven myself for my innocent
mistakes, and have totally forgiven my family, friends and
boss for their grievous errors and all is well. Chick-Filet
anyone?

Then, there was #5, #6, #7, #8, #9,  and on and on.

Accck....Ahhhhh.....Accck.....Ahhhhh.....Accck....Ahhhhh...

If I didn't use vitamin E all this time, I would have
visible scars. Much blood lost. Horrific memory recall of
not having more hugs, more kisses, more disco. I was the
Queen of nothing. An empty kingdom. I had no idea. I thought
for sure I was at the very center of the Universe. It was
awful to learn that there is no center of the Universe. What
a dirty trick.

Fast forward to now......

As Toby Keith almost says: "I'm not as dumb as I once was."


[smile]

This most blessed mind space I am in right now would have
been impossible to actualize without the Acccks. It takes a
stack of Acccks. As I look back on where I was, and where I
am now, through all the Acccks and Ahhhhs, I am nothing
short of amazed. Today, when I have an Accck, and I still
have them, I can rest assured that an Ahhhh is right behind
it, if I take responsibility for my own growth. Today, I Know
Myself and I know what the journey holds. It holds unlimited
potential across a wide spectrum of light and I am the Master
and Commander of what I think, say and do.

The human tour is just one tour of many. We will
continue to learn and grow and evolve. The Divine Abyss of
Self Actualization. Your Acccks and Ahhhs will guide you.

During your life, you will process a host of emotions.
Don't run from them. They are speaking for a reason.
A friend of mine, Adela Rubio says this: " What if emotions
are harbingers of alignment with our intentions? What
if they are sign posts for what we are yearning to create?
Embrace the power of your emotions and learn how to
shift your energy state to one of passionate possibility."

You will have many opportunities to use what you have
learned in previous Acccks. Upcoming Acccks may be easy, or
hard. But, all Acccks serve an important purpose. They show
you who you are, and where you are. Repeating Acccks can
occur as a way to heal more slowly. Major emotional issues
are rarely healed in one or two Acccks. Sometimes, Acccks
are asking for only one thing: Know WHO you are are. This is
the Biggie Accck. It can be very lonely at the Biggie Accck,
as there are those in your playing field that won't like your
Biggie Ahhhh. But, there are others that love your Biggie
Ahhhh, for they recognize it. It is indeed a turning point
and can shake you to your core. You may be asked to give
up everything you have become cozily attached to, including
the approval of the Universe. When you come to understand
the importance of standing in your own light, at all cost, you
will go from Accck to Ahhhh at light speed.

Lastly, if you are on a dedicated spiritual path, you are
likely having many Acccks these days. It is imperative that
you see yourself now. There is a monumental evolutionary
shift taking place, and your seat has been saved for a
Higher light experience. But, you can't bring your hidden
pain with you. You can't bring your hidden self hatred, self
doubt, trepidation, or your guilt. All you can bring is your
recognition of what/who you really are in truth.

Many blessings for your journey,
Love, Sheree
http://shereeblogging.blogspot.com/

*********************

Ms. Rainbolt-Kren is a certified Reiki Master and an Ordained
Minister with World Reiki Ministry. She teaches Reiki and
spiritual  dowsing at her 1100 member (free) Pendulum Forum.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/THEPENDULUMFORUM/
You can also visit Sheree's online store at:
www.pendulumsandmore.com