The Art Of Getting Your Kids To Talk To You
Sintilia Miecevole

Being a parent isn't easy. Some days just getting everyone in
your family all together at the same time for dinner can seem
like the "impossible dream". Between after school sports and
clubs and working and errands and carpools, it's not surprising
that almost half of the parents in a recent survey said they
feel a growing distance between themselves and their children.


Today's children have more things to deal with than kids did
even twenty years ago. Drugs, violence, mixed messages in
advertising, peer pressure, packed schedules and outside
activities all add to the pressure they face.

So how, in the midst of all this chaos, do you find time to
talk to your kids -- and more importantly, have them talk back
to you?

Here are several ideas that can help:

1. Eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week.
Conversations flow easier when they happen around the dinner
table. If your family is conversationally-challenged in the
beginning, think of conversation starters before each meal.
Plan a family vacation, letting each child talk about where
they'd like to go, or what they'd like to do. Talk about
current events, the latest movies or upcoming special events.
Ask your children open-ended questions that have to be answered
with more than yes or no.

2. Turn off the outside world. Set aside "family time" each
night and have everyone turn off their phones, the computers
and the television. Let your friends and extended family know
that you won't be available during that time, and stick to it.
Your kids (especially teenagers) may joke about it, but
secretly they'll probably be delighted. Use this time to
reconnect with each other. Watch a movie, play board games,
take turns reading out loud, but whatever you do, do it
together.

3. Cook at least one meal a week together. Even your youngest
children can do something to help. If your kitchen is too small
for everyone to fit, schedule a "helper" or have your children
be responsible for different parts of the meal. Your family
will grow closer during this time, and your kids may even start
the conversations themselves. (You can always get the ball
rolling by talking about things you did with your parents.
While you may not be cool, chances are your kids think your
parents are, and will be impressed).

4. Make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Let them know
that you won't get angry or upset if they talk to you about
what's going on. If they tell you something "off the record"
then let it stay that way. (Emergencies and dangerous
situations aside).

5. Listen to what they have to say. If you're working, or doing
something else when your child starts to talk to you, they may
give up if they know your attention is really somewhere else.
Give them your undivided attention when they're speaking.

6. Use active listening skills. Make sure that you understand
what your child is telling you. Repeat what they told you and
ask questions.

7. Set aside special time to spend with each child. It may be
nothing more than taking one child at a time with you when you
run errands, but let each child know that you value spending
special time with them.

8. Be patient. Don't expect a "perfect" family. If you're not
June Cleaver and your husband isn't Howard Cunningham, it's
okay. Just remember that perfect families really don't exist
outside of television re-runs.

Just keep trying, and you'll learn the art of conversation with
your kids isn't as hard as you thought!


About The Author: Sintilia Miecevole, host of
http://www.arbfamily.com has a most interesting resource site
about family including home, fun, genealogy, vacations,and
planning to the family unit and reunions. Be sure to visit
http://www.arbfamily.com and enjoy!