Exclusive Interview With Santa Claus
Roy Thomsitt

Over the past two months I have been writing a Christmas story.
It is about Santa Claus and the remarkable sequence of events
that befell a young girl living on the edge of the rainforest
in Palawan, a tropical island where I live.

Of course, for such an apparently far fetched story, it was
important to check out the facts. That was easy to do here in
Palawan, but how could I interview somebody quite so famous as
Santa Claus, who lived far away in a land where I would freeze
to death as soon as I got off the airplane?

Well, it turned out to be more easy than I thought, and we met,
believe it or not, close to a big firework display in Southern
England on November 5th 2005. How I got there and how he got
there, I am not allowed to say. In fact, I cannot say, simply
because I do not know for sure. I can only speculate. My
passport shows I was here; my wife tells me I was here; I tell
myself I was here. But I was there, and this is what I can
report from the notes I took at the interview. There was much
more, but I am sworn to secrecy, and Santa Claus has such
amazing powers, I would not go against his wishes.

These are the 3 questions, and answers, I am allowed to reveal.


Q1 There is much speculation amongst historians about your
origins. Can you tell us, to put this straight once and for
all?

(Roars of laughter from Santa) "The last people you should ask
are historians. They can only look backwards. What a dumb life
they lead; they can never find the truth like that. Life is
multi dimensional; time is multi dimensional. What do
historians and scientists know about all that? The truth is
like a sun with all it's planets rotating round. If you just
look backwards, you miss the whole spectrum, and you miss the
sun itself.

"What are my origins? My good man, you're just a simple soul,
like everyone else on the planet, so I know you mean 'when and
where do I come from'. I do have a birthday; in fact, I have
many birthdays, and they are all true. But for your narrow
little world, I was born in 701 AD."

"But," I said, "all the historians……." his glare told me to be
quiet about historians. That seemed like a good idea, given
that they got it all totally wrong.

Santa was a tolerant and gentle man despite his massive powers.
"And, young man" ( I had not been called that for a long time)
he said. "You will not believe where I was born. It was not the
North Pole, though I go there often. It was not Lapland, where I
do now live. It was Central Africa."

I was dumbfounded; he just laughed at me. I moved on quickly.

Q2 I have to ask, Santa, how do you get around the whole world
like that, every Christmas, delivering gifts to so many
millions of children? In less than 2 days. It's just not.."

Before I could finish, he had put his hand firmly on my arm to
stop me.

"Of course it's possible. You think it's not possible because
your "scientists" say so, not because of the truth. Only the
truth matters. And it is possible, because I do it every year.
You say "not possible" because of the way you all look at
things; narrow and blinkered. Even my blinkered reindeer know
more than your silly scientists; so forget it's not possible. I
do it, and young man", (I was really beginning to like this
guy), he went on, "I just love every moment of it."

"But……?" I was about to ask, but he stopped me again with a
firm hand.

"Ok," he said gently. "Let me just tell you about something. In
the 8th century I was exploring brainwaves; your scientists
don't have an inkling yet about the brain, how it works, the
brainwaves and what they mean and how you can use them. I was
able to discover great things, things all the scientists have
been too narrow minded in the past to seek out, understand and
utilize."

I was in his spell, listening intently to every word. He was
about to reveal….

"Have you heard of Quantum Chimney Descent Theory? No, of
course not. By 820 AD I had it all worked out; a year later I
had discovered Time Corridors. You know time corridors? No, of
course not, but I tell you young man, that was what did it,
that was what enabled me to deliver gifts at Christmas all over
the world.

"I then developed the Time Corridor Interweaving Theory. For
the next 30 years I started to put them both into practice, and
then bring them together. That my dear friend is how I get
around the whole world like that and deliver gifts: by
exploiting the Quantum Chimney Descent Theory in unison with
Time Corridor Interweaving.

"Do you understand now?" he asked.

Well, who was I to argue, I might sound like a historian or
scientist? So, that was it, I had the answers to the greatest
Santa Claus question of all. I did not have a clue what he was
talking about, but I am sure he anticipated that.

We went on to the final question as the firework display
reached its climax.

Q3 What happens to all the mince pies and glasses of sherry
that millions of children leave out for you?

Santa roared with laughter again, "oh, all the things people
leave out for me; they are so sweet those children. "But you
know, their parents should tell them the truth; they should not
deceive. It is their parents who drink the sherry and other
alcoholic drinks. It's just their excuse. I don't drink the
stuff, never did.

"But the mince pies, yes I do love a good mince pie. The
children are so considerate leaving them for me, and I eat as
many as I can in Australia. But over a million? I have to tell
you, those mince pies get spread around all sorts of places.
The creatures of the oceans and the forests are very much
experts on mince pies now. But the year before last....."

Santa saw my expression change.

"Aaah, we can't say what happened that year, can we? It's in
your story. We mustn't spoil your story."

A moment later I awoke in my bed many thousands of miles away
near the Sulu Sea. My wife was next to me; and funnily enough,
I was next to her. When I went to my computer room a while
later, I found my notebook. And what you have read above is
what was written in it.

I really did like Santa Claus; "young man" indeed.

This Christmas Santa Claus article was written by Roy Thomsitt,
owner author of the Gifts For Xmas website.

Roy is also owner and author of the Xmas Ornament web site.

Relax for the festive season with Roy's new Christmas story for
adults and children.


About The Author: Relax for the festive season and read Roy
Thomsitt's new Christmas story, about Santa Claus and a young
girl who lived in a hut on the edge of a rainforest, at
http://www.gifts-for-xmas.com/Santa.htm . Roy is also owner and
author of http://www.xmas-ornament.com , and do not to forget to
get your Christmas gifts at http://www.gifts-for-xmas.com