"Christmas and the Single Person,"
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Did you know that more than 47% of US households
are headed by unmarried individuals? The American
Association for Single People projects this figure
will continue to rise in the coming decade.
Therefore, if you are single you are not alone.
And … if you have single adults in your social
circle, don't assume alone means "lonely."

As Christmas approaches and we start making
holiday plans, here are some things to keep in
mind.

Perception One: That it's terrible to be alone for
the holidays.

Reality: This is mostly a projection of married
people who fear the unknown or could not tolerate
being alone before they were married. The reality
is that single people who observe what goes on at
holiday get-togethers between couples, 50% of whom
are destined to be divorced at some point, think
there are worse things than being single.

Perception Two: That single people are desperate to
be invited over for Christmas dinner.

Reality: Single people have myriad options and no
one to consult. I can go on a cruise, stay home
in my bathrobe and declare it a non-holiday, do
meaningful volunteer work at the homeless shelter,
invite friends over, or get a dinner reservation
at a hotel. Or I can accept any one of the
numerous invitations I get. Contrary to what you
might think, we single people are popular at the
holidays. Most of us have accomplished social
skills and are welcome additions at holiday
gatherings

Perception Three: Single people don't know what to do
for holidays.

Reality: We're used to planning our social lives
actively, good at generating options, used to
making unilateral decisions, and accomplished
"mixers." We're pros!

Perception Four: Anyone who's single is fair-game to
perform certain social tasks during the holiday
celebration.

Reality: We like to be cherished guests, just
like everyone else. "Can you come for Christmas
dinner. I need some help with Aunt Edna?" is not
an invitation. If your family doesn't get along
and you're inviting the single person to "throw a
steer in with the bulls," that's not nice either.
It's your problem; solve it yourself.

Perception Five: Single people are available to do
certain physical tasks.

Reality: This isn't an invitation either: "Can
you come over early and help out in the kitchen.
I've got my hands full." What about her husband?
Her sisters? As best-friend, yes; as the only
working-guest, absolutely not.

Perception Six: That the only "happy" way to spend
the holidays is if you are a
couple or part of a family.

Reality: If that were so, half the articles on
the Internet this time of year wouldn't be about
how to cope with family at the annual holiday
get-togethers.

Perception Seven: That single people are miserable
during the holidays.

Reality: Yes, it can be difficult if it's their
first Christmas after a divorce or after a spouse
has died, but the majority of single people are no
more miserable than anyone else, and perhaps less
so. Since being single (with grown children),
I've had the same levels of pleasure, the same
good and better holidays, but there's one thing
for sure – I'm more rested, and that in itself
goes a long way.

So if you're thinking about including a single
person in your family gathering, make sure it's
because you want them there, not to fulfill a
function or because you think they'd be miserable
if it weren't for your invitation. A guest is a
guest, whether they're single or married, and good
manners prevail.

Check out the Singles for the Holidays blog for
more ideas and add your comments and suggestions:
www.susandunn.blogspot.com .

(c)Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
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