NOTE TO SELF: "Engage brain before putting mouth into gear."

I couldn't find the origin of this saying, but it ranks in my top ten
instructions for successful living.  It's just another way of saying,
"Think before you speak," but it sounds much more important.

When your mouth gets moving before your brain is engaged, your inner
brat is unfettered.  There is no filter to prevent you from saying
things you might later regret.

Here are some risks of speaking without thinking:

- You might hurt/alarm/offend others, intentionally or not

- You might regret betraying secrets and confidences

- You might lose the advantage while negotiating

- You might lose respect from others

- Your reputation might suffer long-term damage

- You might lose your chance for a date, for a job or for a promotion

- You might get into trouble with the law

- You can't take back what you said


If speaking mindlessly is so potentially destructive, why do people do
it?  There are a number of reasons:

1.  To get attention: Spreading gossip or saying something outrageous
puts you in the limelight for 15 seconds.  But you may pay a high
price to pay for those 15 seconds - lost trust and hurt feelings.

2.  To prove something; to win an argument:  If you are too intent on
winning, you'll miss opportunities to find a solution or compromise.
You may have the last word, but you won't have constructive results.

3.  To get something off your chest or to let off steam: When someone
ticks you off, it may feel satisfying to give him a piece of your
mind.  But later you'll realize that it was the wrong piece.



All it takes to make sure that the words you speak now won't bite you
in the you-know-where later on, is to pay attention and think.  Are
these words coming from you? Or from your inner brat?  Is there more
potential harm than benefit from saying these words?


It's not always easy to ignore your inner brat's urge to blurt things
out.  But one thing for sure - you won't regret it.


Copyright Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.  2005. All rights reserved.

--

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author
of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to
her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.